Just the 3 of us

new job

2012-01-28T22:53:00.000-08:00

so its no surprise that i hated my job. there was days i wanted to cry cause i had to go in. i called it "hell" everytime i went in. i cannot beleive i lasted almost e yearsaa but i did for my family. i knew with out a doubt that walmart caused my migrianes, before i had to go in id get a bad head ache once i knew i wasnt going in itd get better a lil bit after, my days off i didnt get a migriane. before i worked at walmart i had a mon to fri job i 8 to 5 and i would only get a migriane maybe once a month. so i think its safe to say walmart was making me sick. how freakin sad and horrible is that!!!! so after new years i got sick and missed a week and then got really sick and missed a few more days, then i just wasnt feelin it i was over my breaking point mentally and emotionaly and physically. so i just stopped going, not very smart we really needed my checks cuz they cover food and bills. so ive never had such a hard time getting job interviews my gosh, finally i went to one today and i start monday. im lookin forward to being a regular 8 to 4 mon to fri and spending the nights with nathan and the weekends . nathan hated me workin nights cuz i only saw him during his lunch. im hopeful this new job will give me less migrianes and i can finally be a regular person.

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T21:37:00.000-08:00

we did it! we had a good family get together without anydrama lol. this was the first time that my dads side of the family got together in like i wanna say a few decades, alot of people showed up, and my big brother lance and his family showed up and i havent seen or talked to him in almost a year, so it was nice surprise. no fights!we had it at katrinas house and it was filled! its definatly the side were i get my big nose and loud mouth from. i definatley was missing my germany family it wasnt the same without them. ill do pictures later im doing this from my phone lol.also everybody loved my pumpkin pie i made five pies and only one and a half was left it was a hit!yup i made good pie i was worried cuz i was makin some with a migriane and the tops got a little to brown so they looked burnt lol oh well....happy turkey day! i am thankful for my husband he is the love of my life and takes amazing care of me. i am thankful for everysingle member of my family (soon tobecome a part of my new tattoo)

October 30,2010

2011-10-30T16:59:00.000-07:00

Hi my sweet baby boy. It's been a year since I've last touch you or kissed your sweet fuzzy cheeks. Sometimes it doesnt even seem likes its been that long others it seems like years. I miss you Jack, I think about you everyday and everynight before I fall asleep, I pray to you can you hear me? I bet your having so much fun just running and running as far as you can go and as fast as you can, are you passing out in the shade on your side with your legs sticking out? Are you nipping at horses feet and chasing them? Is there a couch and a window for you to sit on and look out of? I bet your staying far away from the rainstorms. Out of habbit do you still shake your head even though your ears dont hurt no more? I cant wait to see you again. Its lonely when i'm home by myself, I miss your eyes Jack and your cute soft fuzzy nose I loved to kiss everyday. I miss tripping over you even though it got annoying at times. I miss you keeping my feet warm at night. I found all of your halloween costumes, you were so cute when youlet me dress you up even though you really didnt like it lol. Are the angels holding you and giving you lots of love for me? How are ceders puppies? Are they buggin you crazy like when Pearl was a puppy? Watch over them for Trina. Are you still smelling and marking every single bush or tree you come by? I can smell you sometimes, I know youve come to see me but I'd like it if you stayed a lil longer. I'm sorry I wasnt there for you Jack, I wish you had a familier face with you but lest you werent alone. I know your not hurting no more and is having so much fun. I see that kids come by your graveside I hope your haunting them and having fun LOL. I love you so much!!! Heres 2 poems I thought was perfect for us.

The Legend of Rainbow Bridge- William N. Britton

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When a pet dies who has been especially close to a person here on earth, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge.

There are beautiful meadows and grassy hills there for all our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is always plenty of their favorite food to eat, plenty of fresh spring water for them to drink, and every day is filled with sunshine so our little friends are warm and comfortable.
All the pets that had been ill or old are now restored to health and youth.

Those that had been hurt or maimed are now whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams and days gone by.
The pets we loved are happy and content except for one small thing.

Each one misses someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one of them suddenly stops and looks off into the distant hills.

It is as if they heard a whistle or were given a signal of some kind.

Their eyes are bright and intent.

Their body begins to quiver.

All at once they break away from the group, flying like a deer over the grass, their little legs carrying them faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you hug and cling to them in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

Happy kisses rain upon your face.

Your hands once again caress the beloved head.

You look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet so long gone from your life, but never gone from your heart.
Then with your beloved pet by your side, you will cross

The Rainbow Bridge together.

Your Sacred Circle is now complete again.

I'm Still Here

Your heart has been heavy since that day-

The day you thought I went away.

I havent left you I never would-

You just cant see me, though I wish that you could.

It might ease the pain that you feel in your heart-

The pain that you've felt since youve believed us to part.

Try and think of it this way, it might help you see-

That I am right here with yo and always will be.

Remeber the times we were out in the yard,

You could not always see me yet I hadnt gone far.

That's how it is now when you look for my face-

I'm still right beside you still filing my place.

I find it to be so very sad,

That seeing and believing seem to go hand in hand,

The love and the loyalty the warmth that I gave,

You felt them, did not see them, but you believed just the same.

I walk with you now like I walked with you then-

My pain is now gone and I lead once again.

My eyes always following you wherever you roam-

Making sure youre okay and youre never alone.

Our time was too short yet for me it goes on-

I wont ever leave you, I'll never be gone.

I live in your heart as you live in mine-

An enduring love that continues to shine.

The day will come and together we'll be,

And you'll say take me home boy, and once again I will lead.

Until that day comes dont think that I've gone-

I'm here right beside you, and my love it lives on.

Be a good boy Jack. Love Mommy

Chronic Pain

2011-09-16T11:32:00.000-07:00

No surprise here I get migrianes like almost everyday, if its not everyday its a few times a week, and if its not a migraine its a head ache. So I go to a doctor once a month for my Suboxone and I tell her everytime about my migraines and she just says just try doing this and that blah blah obviously its not working!!!! And it is not to the point were I have missed alot of work and even though I have an Intermitten LOA it can only get me so far plus I have noticed when ever I call out my head tends to feel better lol how sad is that! anyways I am fed up! I live in fear of my head aches I plan around my head aches "Oh let me see if I wake up with a head ache that day" who does that?!! Seriously!!! I had less migraines when I was using what the freakin heck! So Nathan as been gettin after me saying I need to force my doctor to do something because this isnt normal and i've herd people with migraines sometimes it ends up being a brain tumor or something in that area. So yesterday I went to the family doctor with my mom, my main reason is to get my head checked! I tell him the deal that I freaking sleep my life away I'm in fear constantly of gettin migraines and why the heck am i getting them and when I don't have them why am i always having head aches! He says its my age group in females and like 30 and over tend to get less of them . That frustrated me cause I've been getting them sense Jr high so how can it be my age group when I've been getting them before? So basically I have to waist my 20's because its the age group and then I can start living once I'm in my 30's??? I'm just frustrated. So he put me on a pill that is a migraine preventative that he's had alot of success with and I am scheduled today for an MRI. FINALLY!!! Sometimes I kinda hope there is something wrong just so I get answers, its so frustrating. So today we will finally see if my brain is sick lol.

LIGHTS - Face Up (Lyrics)

2011-09-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

I LOVE LOVE music, I've always loved it. My dream when I was little was to be a singer and thats all I did. I would still love to be one and by all the nail polish in the world (that was part of the reason I wanted to be a singer as a child). But I know It wont happen lol I can dream though. So I totaly believe music is a therapy it can make you feel sad happy mellow calm its a amazing what music is and what it can do. This song is probably my theme life song, I have trials in my life that some might not imagine and this song totally says it all. So Face Up and try your best to get through it.

VIDEO: 9/11 Tribute Song | Web Videos - 97.1 ZHT

2011-09-09T20:53:00.000-07:00

This is a new updated version for the 10 yr annivsury of 9/11 and it just makes me bawl!!!

VIDEO: 9/11 Tribute Song Web Videos - 97.1 ZHT: A tribute for 9/11. DJ Sammy - 'Heaven' 9/11 Remix 2011 Version of (I Miss You Daddy).

Moving, cops, Phyconess

2011-09-02T12:47:00.000-07:00

Busy Busy Busy!!! All Week I have been helping my momma pack up her house and move, you'd think we'd be pros at this well actually we are but it still never gets easy! My parents are moving from just down the street from me to all the way to AF!!! Wow. I am very sad, I love living so close to my family I got to see them at work and just zip down to say hi...I love my parents. Mom and I had do not make good moving partners lol omg you would of thought we were on something haha, even so a cop followed us home and even drove past us. Maybe cause at one point I was trying to slip my mom some "fun" pills instead of exedrine on the side of the road lol and then tried to feed her a pickle. Good times. Then Katrina came over and she is just so funny, that night home driving kat home was the funniest thing ever, i couldnt eat my food cause I just couldnt stop laughing at Katrina! wow what a day!

My "kids" for the weekend

2011-08-07T13:11:00.000-07:00

For the 24th weekend Jon took Katrina out for their Annivursary. I said I would watch their kids, So I get their Saturday morning they leave and it was hot so I said lets try out their new slip n slide, so were in the backyard and you can only have so much fun on a slip n slide and Kat told me bout this splash pad and so Mallory said why dont we eat lunch there, i said great idea! haha she's so smart. So I go pack up a lunch, get everything ready and we head out. I did get lost but I finally managed my way over the park lol. it was one hot day! So we stayed thier for awhile, the kids wanted to try out the awesome looking park with crazy toys so we went their but it was getting soo dang hot and Jaxy was just bright red so i said lets go home rest up cause that night was the Dancing in the street. So we left put jaxy down for a nap watched Tv rested up and then the kids kept saing they wanted to go to the Dancing in the street. So we go and I forgot Jaxy's bottle and while walking Lincolns foot feel some drain in the side walk and it scratched him so that put him in a bad mood, and so Mall and Hall go out and I was saying to them go dance and I guess hallie didnt like being told to dance so she got mad and didnt wanna dance anymore and also "this is the 2 time she had to dance in front of so many people" so she didnt want to. Poor Mall sucha good girl she stayed out there the whole time by herself just dancing, Jaxy kept wanting out of the stoller and so Mall kept an eye on him but i was so paranoid of lossing him that Ikept making him sit in the stroller. It was fun lots of people were there the music was fun, it was pretty cool. So after bout an hour maybe Lincy has to go potty Jaxy is being awnery will not hold still and then finally Hallie goes out to dance. So i say we need to go home cause it just wastn working lol. Onthe way home we see fireworks, the kids liked that. We get home kids get ready for bed, I watch Tv and i hear the fireworks and they are so close and loud! so I'm like haning out of Katrinas bedroom window (they had no screen) and im watching them, then Hallie comes out ( i cant believe she'snot asleep yet!) to go potty. So I tell her come over and I let her watch the fireworks for a few minutes, She was sayin how she cant wait to tell Mallory because she would of loved watching them. and I thought it was so awesome of her to be thinking of her sister and wanting to have her sister see it too but excited to at lest tell her. Their so sweet. So we all go to bed. Wake up hallie tells me Mallory wasnt very excited to hear bout the fireworks lol cause i guess she wanted to see them. So I woke up with a little head ache I didnt get much sleep and when that happens I usually get a migraine, so Nathan said hed watch em while i took a nap. So we went to my house, i went to bed Nathan watched teh kids. I get up and the kids have lots of energy caue my house isnt kid house i have no toys no tv but movies and no toys outside! so they were gettin rowdy well the boys lol so we finally go over to moms we went to the park had pizza and played on the toys. Go home time for time. Next morning We were gonna go to the water park again I made the lunches and everything! but the weather wasnt turning out very nice it was cloudy and kinda windy so Mallory once again or hallie says well we cant just play on the toys. DUh!!! omg i'm so dumb lol i'm hello they dont have to go in the water haha so i'm like lets go! So we pack up and go on the toys Jaxy loves teh swings so do the girls Lincy goes off does he's own thing. but after like an hour its gettin Hot! So i'm like lets go to the water. i had to run to the car so i told the kids stay on this bence do not move, I come back and Lincy is gone. Ugh. He's no were at the park so we all say he's run off to the water. I'm like that boy is so grounded lol. We get their and their he is! I say Lincy your in time out, I told you to never go anywere with out telling me and you took off, he says he didnt see me I said then if you dont know were I am you stay right were you are and were I knew you were. Poor guy he was so heart broken but he took off so i had to put him in time out :( A lil later Katrina and Jon show up, Surprise! I thought they were still in SL so the kids were so excited we go home did presents and hung out. It was so fun i was so pruod of myself I was more of a home mom then i thought i'd be haha. So after I left a few days later I was having kids withdrawls lol i seriously missed them! but it was a fun weekend. The Pictures are out of order!

First Day at the Splash Pad. We were all eating lunch.

The slip n slide

At the Dancing in the street

First day at Splash Pad

Mall Dancing

Mall with Jaxy

the girls

Oh hallie

Poor Lincy in Time out

Smily Jaxy

Jaxy again eating his lunch

he loved the swings

he says "weee Weee" i love him

Our second time eating lunch

She was such a good helper

he loves me

Smile

Shes so good to him, he loves her

these swings were awesome. so comfy

They had fun

Jack Necklace

2011-08-07T12:53:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I watched Katrina's kids for the weekend while they went on their anniversary, when they got back they came baring gifts! Katrina got me this awesome necklace! It of course represents pirates which everyone who knows me knows its my most of all time favorite movies and of course my most favorite of all time Captain Jack Sparrow a.k.a Jonny Depp!!!!!! So score on that, but then it says Jack awww of course i love even more cause its my baby's name and obviously i loved him so much i freakin got his paw print tattooed on my leg haha so anyway i can show my love is a score! haha Thanks Trina i freakin love it! and of course I also love the other necklace and the extensions!!!!!

Goodbye!

2011-08-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

So I bought a well my mom bought them at the time but I got a pair of tan corduroys(sp??) in Jr. High and I wore em a few times, but then years later when I got a job at Walmart they became My everyday work pants. So I have been at Walmart for a little over 2 years and my pants have been through the ringer they started getting a hole in the back pocket, and the front of em started to wear downa bit. If you looked at them you wouldn't know they were corduroys! So my mom threatened she was gonna take em and throw them away cause there so worn down, I said No! I'll throw em away when they are un wear able. these are my favorite work pants their the most comfy and I like em! Well my mother jinxed me, I think no longer then a week later I had a stupid customer and I let her be stupid because I was in a bad mood and this lady was just dumb. She ended up dropping her milk and it split open so like a good worker i freaking went over bent down "RIIIIIPPPPPP!!!!!!! My freakin pants just ripped! the customer just stands their doesn't give a freakin crap that i ripped my pants because i was cleaning up her mess! So lucky for my it was time for my lunch and I'm like this rip is to bad they wont let me wear em so i go home and finally say goodbye to my favorite pants...I think I'll make em into shorts lol.

Date Night

2011-08-07T12:28:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday I had work off and the only time Nathan and I see eachother lately is when I get home after work while he's heading to bed. So we decided it was time for a date! Nathans sister got us gift certificates for Mongolian BBQ Grill, So we went had a good dinner and Nathan wanted to go to borders and lucky us well sadly they are going out of business so the books were cheap and we love cheap books! I got a book called "All Pets go to Heaven" cause I just need to know what happens when your dog dies and were they go cause i totally believe in spirits and that they can totally show themselfs to you or let you know their there. And I know for a fact that Jack has visited a few times which he hasnt come lately that i know of and its kinda sad so i got the book to know what happens and all that stuff. Nathan has been reading the 3rd book out of a 3 book series lol so he wanted to get the first 2 books and read them in order haha so he gots 2 books. It was fun we had good time, sometimes you feel disconeccted so a good date night always helps! Plus i never get to dress up anymore I have all these cloths!! That i never get to wear some of them still have the tags on them because all i wear is my work cloths or chill out cloths. So i finally get to wear my cloths! And my high heels are feeling way to neglected! All in all it was a great night!!!!

Honor of my baby Jack

2011-07-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to get a tattoo in memory of my baby and I finally did it! I knew I wanted his Paw print but didnt know how to make it look, i found a picture and it was perfect!

Nathan and I waiting, I was getting nervous!

Oscar was awesome, he was nice funny totally made me feel comfortable. We had to re-apply the picture a few tiimes cause he wanted to make sure it was just right.

There were a few spots that felt like it was right on a nerve and my bone lol it hurt quit a bit.

This is the wing, he did amazing on, i was really freaked out bout the wings cause i had to have them perfect.

And of course the most important part of all was my babys foot. Mom doesnt like the rays above it, but its a halo and wings and halo rays. it makes sense to me. But I am so glad, i love it to death! Its hard to explain but sometimes it feels like the memory of him is slipping away, like he hasnt been here for almost a year now and its like i never had him, I might be saying this wrong but with this i see it everyday and remember my most precious thing to me that I lost. I'll alwasy cherish this. Thanks Kat and dad for coming with, i know it was a long day! love you!!

Fear

2011-06-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

Not to many people know this story and how its still affecting me, but I thought I'd just tell it. When Nathan and I were using black (Heroin) we some times would get White (Cocaine) with it cause its a fun combination. Black is a downer and white is a upper, the reason people overdose so much and black is cause its such a downer it slows everything down so much it stops your heart, and you get tired so sleeping plus being on a downer not a good combo. One time we were using and Nathan took a big hit and he laid down next to me on a couch and a few seconds later I look over at him and he's not breathing and his lips were blueish, I started shaking him screaming his name trying to get him to wake up, i was slappin his face and just yelling trying to get him to wake up! Now I could tell you every thought that came to mind. First do I call 911 how long should i wait if i cant gethim up do i call, if i call they'll know were doing drugs what if they take to long and those seconds i waist dailing i'm not trying to get Nathan up and i'm just prayin my guts out that he'll wake up and not die. All these thoughts were just frantically going through my mind while I'm shaking him trying to get him up! finally after what seemed like forever but i think it was just a few seconds he like jerks up and wakes up, Im frantic and he's like what whats wrong calm down and i'm yelling at him you almost just died and hes just calm as ever like he was just sleeping and i'm like he wasnt sleeping he was blue and not breathing! I was bawling and he just didnt understand what i just went through. Ever since that I could never enjoy my high cause I was so worried about nathan passing out and not waking up. Its been a few years later and at night when I dont fall asleep before Nathan and then i get in bed and am not quit asleep but getting ther and you can still hear things and are aware of stuff, I will hear Nathan and theres times I dont hear him take a breath so I check him and hes fine, some nights Ill look at him and he's already white as a ghost lol so i'll see him and he looks pale and he didnt take a breath so i'll frantically shake him and say Nathan and of course he's alive and he wakes up like what! and i'm like you scared me. Just last night I wasnt sleeping very good cause Nathans breathing seemed off rythm(it may just be how he breaths while sleeping) so I couldnt sleep cause i was freaked out he would stop breathing so i looked over at him and he didnt take a breath and he looks pale and it just takes me back to that night so i shake him and say nathan and he wakes up like i'm trying to sleep. It's the hardest thing knowing i was seconds away from lossing him forever and now when we go to bed i have a fear i'm gonna wake up at night and he will be gone, its horrible always feeling like i gotta check him and make sure he's breathing or i cant sleep i'm up all night scared out of my mind. Thats one of the reasons I'm staying sober cuz if i relapse so will nathan and I cant be the one who allows nathan to use and then accidently have him overdose, it'll be my fault. I'm so blessed hes here with me, that was one of the scariest things ive been through. Nathan said he just felt like he was sleeping he doesnt remeber any of it. I dont know what to do to make it better,i dont know how to feel assured that everynight he's gonna be okay. I love him to death he's amazing to me and lossing him would be the end of the world to me. Im so blessed i have him.

Meet Russell

2011-06-02T20:20:00.000-07:00

This is Russell. Russell is a hound. Russell's owner is a friend of one of the peoples in our duplex. Russell is the sweetest doggy ever, he loves being rubbed on his tummy. He's ears are so soft and long. He's so eager to sneak in your house and be loved. He's owner rescued him from an abusive family :( I love Russell.

Randomness

2011-06-02T20:14:00.000-07:00

I went and saw my baby's grave the first time and it was emotional. But I held it together, it was very peaceful and quiet. It was defiantly a place I know Jack would love , he would of loved to just run all over and sniff every bush and tree and then pee it on lol. It was reassuring to know that the ground wasn't disturbed and that he's in peace. I love all the flowers that are growing around the ground. This is Nathan soooo happy to be in our new "mold free" house, that we just love! We just got the keys and are ready to move in!

Can I just say how sexy he is??

Lets go blow things up!

2011-06-02T20:08:00.001-07:00

We've been chillin allot with my little brother and his wife Lacey, him and Colton like to hang out while I'm at work. Last Sunday we all were gonna go on a hike but that didn't happen so instead we went shooting. I got Nathan a gun for Christmas and he's only been shootin with it Once. It was fun to just hang out and shoot off guns at stuff.

Colton trying to tell me to make sure i push it up tight so it wont hurt me, but i was to chicken that I most likely would of hurt myself with out padding lol.

he's such a good brother, he's trying to braven me up.

Big guns, love em!

Coltong and Lacey loading up his cool old school gun

Visit from Wesley

2011-06-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

Nathans sister Becka and her family came to Utah to visit friends and while they were up here came over and took a visit with us. Nathan and I have never met his newest nephew Wesley. This baby just loved Nathan, he would just stare at him and then once Nathan looked at him he would just get this huge open mouth smile. Can I just say I was in love, he was so happy and sweet. It was good getting to see the California family and it was really good for Nathan to spend a little bit of time with his sister. We made breakfast and just visited for a bit. It was a good visit.

Nathan just thought he looked so cute sleeping all bundled up that he went and snuck a picture.

Small update

2011-04-08T07:11:00.001-07:00

Okay I have a few minutes to write! Here's a little update I'll go into details later. First in Feb Nathan lost his job, which was a huge blow to us financially. We live off every single check we get and Nathans checks finished rent off. So it is just me working and only getting paid 9.15 (only this month this pay rate started) and barley getting 35hrs a week is not going to pay the bills or rent! Its really stressful, i'm very stressed about making sure I get to work everyday and try to get hours but my job is so employee unfriendly that its hard. i get migraines and it makes me miss work and I got in trouble for missing work and its fusterating that i have a doctors note for it and they know i get them but they wont try and work with me and give me a line here. so if i get another migraine that puts me out andi miss work I'm gettig a "D" day which is I get a paid day off and they decide wheather I get to keep my job or not. So being stressed doesnt help me avoid migraines....I've been out of touch with my friends since high school and just recently i have gotten in touch with them and it feels awesome having girl friends again. I didnt realize how nice it is to just get away get out of the house and do something. Bri my friends husband coty is trying to help nathan get this contruction job that helps build bridges so please pray that he gets it!!! I"m missing Jack liek crazy everytime he gets mentioned i start to tear up, I found a video of him running in my sisters backyard right before the wedding and he is just soo happy like you cant miss that huge smile on his face, and i really want to get that video off my old phone but i cant get it to keep a charge. now i'm headed off to trina's to watch the kids while she goes register lincy for some school.

stupid early morning!

2011-04-08T07:03:00.000-07:00

Its is 8 am. I am not happy. I do not wake up this early, it kills me! The things I do for my sister..........

Vampirates.....

2011-03-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

I'll tell you a tale Vampirates,
A Tale as old as true.
Yea, I'll sing you a song of an ancient ship,
And it's mighty fearsome crew.
Yea, I'll sing you a song of an ancient ship,
That sails the oceans blue....

The Vampirate ship has tattered sails,
That flap like wings in flight.
They say that the captain, he wears a veil
so as to curtail your fright
At his death-pale skin
And his lifeless eyes
And his teeth as sharp as night.
Oh, they say that the captain, he wears a veil
And his eyes never see the light.

You'd better be good, child-good as gold,
As good as can be.
Else I'll turn you in to the Vampirates
And wave you out to sea.
Yes you'd better be good, child-good as gold.
Because-Look! Can you see?
There's a dark ship in the harbor tonight
And there's room in the hold for thee!
(Plenty of room for thee!)

Well if pirates are bad,
And vampires are worse,
Then I pray that as long as I be
That though I sing of Vampirates
I never one shall see.
Yea, if Pirates are danger
And Vampires are death,
I'll extend my prayer for thee-
That thine eyes never see a Vampirate....

......and they never lay a hand on thee.

Happy 23 to me!!!!

2011-03-06T12:28:00.001-08:00

oops i deleted this and it should be at bottom lol....us girls and kids!

Happy 23 to me!!YAY. I had an amazing Birthday! (sorry pictures arent in order of the day) First mom and kat come over to pick me up to go to the movie, and they bring me by present in and its in a big bag so i'm like thinkin oh no is it like a Wii or what I had no clue! so I open it and its a Laptop!!! Now I dont have to fight nathan over teh computer and I can skype my sista in Germany!

This is the end of the night were I got to skype min and the kids!

Nathan Bringing me my yummy yummy cake!
My crazy family. I love em to death!

Hunter he's such a good kid

I love my baby brother! he was bein a teaser all night

Boys. playing with their phones, showing off pictures

Waiting for my cake!!!!

I had to make sure my wish comes true!

I have such a sexy husband who loves me!

he's such a perfectionist

Say Cheese!!

My daddy who i love so much!

Kay so this is before the movie

My family is so good to me its ridiculous! Look at my sexy computer!!!!

Haha I just love this picture trina always makes me laugh

I was in shock, I was not expecting anything like this! All I told them was I am totaly happy with a Book!!!!

yes I know I am a cry baby, I've been realy missin my baby and this is my first time with out him so they got me a card with a doggy on the front and the inside said " Somewere someone is wagging a tail for you" and that just hit me cause it's totally true, Jack would be waggin his curly tail for his mommy!

Trina got me a Edward music card :) love it

I still cannot believe its mine

Mom and nathan were talking and i'm trying to guess what it could be!

the movie, we went and saw Justin Bieber. it wa very insight ful. I liked it alot. We had the whole theater to ourslefs

Mom Proving she was there takin the pictures

Gettn ready and that pop corn was yummy

Happy Valentines!!

2011-03-06T12:05:00.000-08:00

Valentines Day was kinda a chill one. Nathan had to go into work that night so we just hung out together, moneys really tight so we didnt do nothing speacial, he made a pork dinner which was yummy! I'm not much of a meat lover and this pork i was even sucking the bone cause the flavor was soo yummy and we just watched Fools Gold.

We get this knock on our door and I open it and its a Heart Attack from my awesome Nieces and nephews! Nathan and I loved it!

It was definatly a heart attack!

Even Hallie decorated our wall!

Thanks guys we love you lots!!!!!

Happy Birthday Babe!

2011-01-20T13:24:00.000-08:00

Today is Nathan's Birthday, he is turning 30! It just seems so crazy to me that he's 30! LOl i have no clue why though..But I know people are saying well why arent your doing a big 3 0 birthday for him. well first off i'm not that type of person that plans all these partys and stuff and if i did try ot we dont got any friends so itd only be my family and we do family bdays anyway sooo i kinda dont see the point. but we have tomorrow off so well go out then. Love you babe your awesome and I hope your birthday is great!

Happy Birthday Maverick!!!

2011-01-06T12:01:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Maverick!!! My maverick turned 4! He is the funniest cutest craziest man ever! He sure know's how to make you smile. I love his Raspy voice. I miss you tons bud and love yousooo much! I wish i was there for your Birthday!

My 2 lil mans!

Update: Christmas & New Years

2011-01-06T11:40:00.001-08:00

Okay so It's harder for me to put pictures on cause I have to email them from my phone to my email then save em from my email and come here to post its a tedious job and its annoying so I will post pictures tomorrow my day off . Okay so like I said Christmas we went to Katrina's the part I didn't mention is going over to mommas house. Can I just say when all of us Wininger siblings get together it's a riot, we got brothers sizing each other up challenging them to a wrestle in this case mom said NO wrestling so we ended up doing arm wrestling. You know the brothers gotta show who's boss and the toughest. And when that starts happening can i just say my family is LOUD were the loudest in America i bet. WE got 5 siblings in 1 house each has a spouse and then 13 midgets! Insane. We also had a monkey fight its a strecthy catapult monkey thing he's awesome and you strecth him ad launch him at your family members ( of course my family doesn't obey the rules, the monkeys are just to see how far you can throw em) my family we like to cause pain ha ha and throw em at each other! Can i just tell you i never laughed so hard, well i have but this is funny. we didn't really get to do it when all the kids were there cause these monkeys hurt, so after everyone left Jon and Kat stayed that's when the real war broke out. Mom was aiming at dad dad was aiming at mom mom was aiming at Jon mom and Jon aiming at Katrina ha ha omg craziness! Dad got smacked in the face a few times snicker snicker, mom got hit in the face ha ha omg i cant stop laughing! Miraculously nothing broke. the end result the monkeys were dead broken gone! Fun times, we got pictures and videos so i'll have to talk to Katrina..

New Years was a very quiet night. The first time most of the family wasnt together, Witts and Gillmans were at some hotel in Salt Lake. Colton and Lacey went to a friends :( Lance and swayze stayed home. Sooo Nathan and I took the party to my parents house. mom was watching Lincoln and Mckadie and Jaxson can i just say lincoln+Mc= total craziness!!! poor mom lol so we went over and we watched Robin Hood (sexy Russel Crowe) and then were like oh 1 minute get in the kitchen lol so we count down from what the microwave said lol we didnt have tv so it said midnight cheers!!! Nathan couldnt stop kissing me mom and dad smooched and that was it we went and finished our movie :) like i said very calm quiet new years! Happy New Years!!!
So I feel like this will be a good year for us, were moving into a new appartment which i think were really gonna like and hopefully I'll get another job but i think 2011 will be good. I"m still having thoughts about not leaving this appartment that this is Jacks home this is were he knows , i'm percrastinating going to the back yard to pick up his stuff its still just how he left it :( I need to get his blanket and wash it so that i can keep it . Alright gotta go!

Diesel Lyric Wininger

2010-12-26T17:38:00.001-08:00

Okay we got another baby in the family, my only older brother Lance had his first baby on the 20th his name is Diesel Lyric Wininger. He is the first baby to carry out the Wininger name, he's the first baby from a brother of mine. He's just the first in alot of things. He's really cute looks like Lance, Lance is so sweet with him it's funny to watch him.

Also on this day or the 2 day Lance called my sister Mindy and let me tell you that was a shocker for everyone, I think some good came out of this.. Hopefully some broken/hurt hearts can start mending and we can be a family again.

Merry Christmas!!!

2010-12-26T17:26:00.000-08:00

Sorry i cant copt and past so this should be under my info.....Thanks Min we love it!

Christmas Eve Nathan and I both worked till bout 8pm we went over to Katrina's to spend the night to have Christmas with her family since it's just me and Nathan and our house is far from being Christmasy. We woke up Nathan got me some Victoria Secret stuff :) and I got him a GUN! He's always wanted one for "home Protection" and he was very happy to get it, he would not stop holding it all day LOL. After presents we went over to my mom's and had a regular filled day of the Winingers. Winingers get together=LOUD,FUN, MIdgets! We didnt leave mom's and dad's till 11:30.

My presents from Nathan

Nathan lovin on Chewy

Nathan checking out his new favorite toy

I love my Husband

He's just laughing away cause he already knew what he was getting, what a brat!

Finally figuring that he got what he guessed AND Wanted.

I cant believe him!

Him faking that he didnt know

6 Years!

2010-12-24T13:26:00.000-08:00

I just wanna say I love my husband! we went on our first date this day 6 years ago! I wouldnt change a thing! We've been through hell and back, we've been through a drug stage together, we've been through joyous times, we've been through heart ache, we've been through alot that puts strains on relationship but we stuck through it. I love this guy, he makes me laugh everyday. after 5 years of trying to get him to marry me I finally got him to tie the knot. Happy 6th yr Anniversury!!!

Surprise!

2010-12-22T12:13:00.001-08:00

Okay so christmas every year is a little on the cheap side, even though Nathan and I love what we get eachother I really wanted to get Nathan something he has been wanting FOREVER and I always told him "NO". So this year instead of giving Nathan money to buy me something I just kept it so I could put it towards his present. I"m seriously content and happy just having Nathan and being able to call him "My Husband" i seriously feel like the song

I dont want alot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I dont care about the presents
Underneath the christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More then you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for christmas is.....
YOu...

I know he's gonna want to get me something but since I took the money he might not be able to LOL.
So ya I"m so excited for this present...I especially want to thank my brother Jon i would of had absolutley no idea what I was doing and he saved my butt cause they wouldnt let me get this present ..I cant give details cause Nathan might read this and find out what it is!!!!! But I will tell more when he opens it! on the 24 me and Nathan have been together for 6 yrs!!! wow! that is amazing to me . I've always been the player i've never really stuck with 1 guy i liked variety i told my sisters theres no way i could get married i would get so bored being with the same guy for my whole life they said once you find the one you wont care i'm like ya right! and low and behold I have been faithfully with my guy for 6 yrs! I love him. He's even a red head and i said i would never be with a red head lol, he's breaking all my rules!

Monday I got a new nephew Diesel Lyric Wininger, i freakin love the name Diesel because Vin Diesel is one sexy man! This is my brothers first baby and the first baby to carry on the Wininger name.

I wanna give a shout out o my sista in Germany! I think bout you daily and miss your kids like crazy!!! I love you tons sister and really miss you all! Your not forgotten my love.

I've had 4 realitors come walking through my house haha good luck wanting to buy this dump. I got renters coming to look too! My house has never had so many people in 1 week come through it. It sure is making me keep it all nice and clean :) I cannot wait to move into ournew home, get some heating and a working washer and dryer ...a few weeks ago i had a incident at work were I wore Jeans instead of my tan pants and they said you need to change I said my pants are dirty if you send me home i'm not coming back. so they went and talked to the manager and she said i either need to change or go home i said fine i'm going home, i'm not gonna wear dirty pants that I feel are to dirty and i'm not comfortable wearing em. and to me it was i was embarressed to admit I dont have a washer i wear the same pants daily its humilitaing i broke down its like a pride thing I'm to prideful to admit I dont have enough money to live in a house were everythign works, i dont have enough money to wash my cloths all the times we do laundry maybe once a month..so for work to not just let me have 1 night of wearing jeans because I cant afford to wash my pants at that time is humilitaing! so i called my mom she was my ride to work and said i need to go home, she talked to me said i need to just suck it up ( she said it in a much nicer way) but i need to hold it together and keep my job and not be stubborn after half hour of bawling my mom came helped me find pants and i went back to working...point of this story is that I am sooo happy to move ina place were i can wash our laundry now! Its kinda pathetic. bye now!

Videos of my baby

2010-12-17T09:56:00.000-08:00

Wedding pictures

2010-12-17T09:04:00.000-08:00

My mommy and daddy

Nathan and his best friend dane
I love him

Colton got the garder and low and behold he got married 1 yr later
Oooh lala
man he got me back
I told him I was gonna get him!

Amber and Paige came! I was so glad they did
Love these girls
Nathan's grandparents. love these people
Me and Lance
Nathan's Family
Nathan's family Top left: Jim(dad) Brian Becka (sister) Rachel (sister) Jarom Paul?
Bottom Left: Grandma skinner Patty (stepmom) me nathan Julie (mom) Grandpa skinner

Love my dress!!!!
My Family Lance was a lil late

My big huge family! missing Lance
Top Left: Jon Brian Tashina MIndy Seth
Bottom Left:Katrina Mom me Nathan DAd Coltong
bottom left: Maverick, Sadie, Hallie, McKadie, Cameo, Navi, Lincoln, Mallory, Hunter, Kenya and baby jaxson in trina tummy

I do
My daddy walkin me

Vidoes of my baby

Old Random PIctures i found

2010-12-17T08:21:00.000-08:00

My dress is AMAZING!!! Im sorry but its the best.

My Bridals only some of them

My sweet baby probably gettin into trouble lol
Wow! This is 10th grade I believe i had my mom take these so i could send em to a Missionary lol
I love love kissin him
Lol look how young
My jack sparrow
I think this is the only family picture of us
Long ago
Talkin on the phone and might i add this was my FAVORITE phone

Hmmmm I love me some ice cream!
My baby gets a upset tummy when we go on long walks so i picked him upso he wouldnt have to walk...I love him
Cameo at her feild day
Me and Nena
I am soooo proud of this guy! Love youSeth
Vidoe's of my baby

Life

2010-12-15T09:06:00.000-08:00

Updates! Okay I told my sister Mindy that I would try harder to update my blog , I want to get back to were I was doing it regligiously . I was reading back on it and alot of what I wrote about was about my baby and now that He is no longer here I gotta find other stuff to write about lol. But Nathan is still working at Target I'm still at Wal-mart. Today Nathan and I are going to sign a contract for a appartment that we are really excited about! Honestly part of me wants to stay here, this is Jack's home this is were he knows so i'm having thoughts of that. Christmas isn't really gonna happen this year its never kinda been for us cuase we live off every check and theres just no money so i'm trying to not feel to bad that I cant get nathan nothing and christmas shouldnt make you feel bad cause you cant buy presents. I had a migraine yesterday and its starting to really affect my job I had a warning of my missed days but i seriously cant control these migrains out of no were they'll come and its to late i dont know what to do its fusterating. this weekend i watched the gillmans puppies Bella and Tennnyson they were sooo full of energy and happiness aw i loved it i'll do pictures later today. okay gotta go!

breakfast yummy

2010-12-04T20:38:00.000-08:00

this morning nathan and i went to riverton to meet his mommy julie and her "friend" tom. we went to ihop and toms daughter along with her 2 little cute kids came as well. its always nice to see family especially when they live in california, nathan loves his family and he enjoys seeing them. we do wish we could see more of them but its money issues that keeps us from going down there. thanks alot tom and julie we love seeing you guys!

A little too young????

2010-12-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

alright, you know how annoying it is when your only 22 freakin yrs old and everynight you get hot flashes??? i go from sweating im so hot to freezing cold in 1 second and i get extra cold cuase of the sweat makes sense? only 2 reasons why this happens. 1st drugs sxrewed my body up . 2nd its time to get my medicine, only reason i take this medicine is cause drugs screwed my body up..really its so uncomfortable just think how itll be when i go through menapause!!!!

1 Month

2010-11-27T14:13:00.000-08:00

The Casting Trina made

Washing his feet.

A poem my dad made, that Trina put over a picture of his Grave.

Nathan and I by his name carving

Getting the strenght to do one of the most hardest things.

Jack in his Halloween Costume. Last picture I have of him.

My favorite picture of the 2 of us.

Few days After i got him.

Jack as a baby.

I've been procrastinating this post for awhile it was hard enough to do the other post. It feels doing this post is like me coming to terms with it and i don't like that I don't want to come to terms with it.

October 30,2010 Jack passed away. Anyone who knew me knew that Jack was my life and most of all my baby, I got him just 4 months old and raised him like my child. Early October we put Jack in the backyard, we got a new chain for him a dog house so that he was sheltered. The house was to small and Jack needed to be outside I didn't like it but it needed to happen, Jack loved being outside anyways so it wasn't that big of a deal. He loved it out there. For Halloween I got him a little Jacket thing that had a glow in the Dark Skeleton he had it on for about 2 3 weeks maybe. Saturday the 30 was a busy day i had to run errands and be to work earlier then usual, while we were getting ready for work the bathroom window was open and it shows out to the back yard and Jack. Steve our neighbor was on the side in the backyard fixing his window and we noticed that jack wasn't barking at him cause he doesn't like Steve to well. on jacks house we put a towel over the door so the wind doesn't blow in it and we knew jack was in the house cause we see his chain leading into the house, so we figured he's gotten use to people outside he's just sleeping in his house and we didn't really think bout it. we go to work people are trick treating we come home and at night i don't go see jack cause we dnt want him barking in case he wants me to bring him in. Sunday i had work off and i get up do somethings before i go feed jack. When i went out there he's still in his house cause thts were his chain his leading too. so i call for him and lift up the towel and hes gone the chain must of broke off somehow , my stomach just drops cause he is a runner anytime he can get off his leash he takes off . so i walk around all over looking for him and mom comes to help. and i know Sundays are pretty quiet and calm but this Sunday it had a weird dead silence to it. we looked for bout over an hour driving around, the pound was closed .So we said we have to hope that somebody called him in or the pound has him and gotta wait Monday morning to find out. Nathan gets home I'm in living room trying not to stress out hoping that it's gonna be okay, he goes outside and talks to a few neighbors. he comes over to me and said jacks gone I'm like i know he's gone he's like no he's gone he died. i start freaking out i said no he's not he just ran away, Nathan says no Tasha the neighbor saw it he got hit by a car he didn't make it. i cant explain that feeling of what goes through your mind and body, i don't ever wanna feel like that again. i just sat on the couch and cried so hard like Ive never cried before i was hysterical i kept saying he's not gone he just ran away i was so numb. Nathan he's amazing he just held me and let me cry after and hour he asked if i wanted to go to my moms but we ended up at Katrina's were mom met us. its a horrible feeling when you've lost something soo close and precious to your heart. I guess jack got out Saturday some time and was running around the neighborhood, the neighbor says he was running around with the trick or treaters being good having fun, he'd get close enough to them but enough to were they cant touch him which is soo jack. he even had his Halloween costume on. The lady said he got hit by a car, and that she stayed with him till he passed. she called the shelter and they came and got his body. she said he went Fairley fast and didn't think he was in to much pain. I've yet gone and talked to her but i Really wanna go talk to her and get the full story just for my sake. the next morning mom and Trina found out were he was being kept and asked if i wanted to go with to see him. i felt that i needed to go see him and just get confirmation that it's him or I'd always have that unsurity . My stomach was in knots, I've been crying all night and morning that ride just sucked. it still felt like a dream, we get there they take us to a back room and i had my back turned so that i couldn't see them bring him in and i knew when they came all these emotions i wasn't ready to see him like that so i waited a few minutes for Trina and Nathan to see him first make sure he wasn't in to bad of shape so i finally turned around and just seeing him on the table like that was really hard, they had a towel over his head said i shouldn't see his face that killed me right their cause i love his face and i wanted to see him. I'm so use to touching jack and feeling his warmth and him being cold and unresponsive was difficult. Trina brought some stuff to get castings of his feet for me . we moved him to the sink so that we could wash off his feet, he never liked his feet touched so it was nice to just wash them and hold them. it was time to go and i didn't want to leave him i could of stayed with him for hours. they asked what i wanted to do with him and I had mixed feelings so the next day Tuesday I let them know I wanted to bury him. Jon and Trina found a spot in the canyon and on Wednesday night Tashina, McKadie, Trina her kids mom dad and Lacey all met up at the spot. Nathan and Dad mostly dug the hole I helped a bit, then it was time to get Jack. Nathan and I walked back to the car, we got Jack out layed him on the floor to wrap him up in his sheet that he slept on. It was the hardest thing to say goodbye to him and know that'll be the last time I'm gonna touch him and kiss his sweet soft cheeks. Nathan picked him up to hand him to me and walking him over was so hard, we get to the spot and I just cant let him go I don't want him taken from me. Nathan had to pull him out of my arms and laid him down. We covered him up, Nathan carved his name in the tree and i put some flowers on his grave.. Jack loved to run so we say he was running around happy Trick Treating with the neighbor's in his costume . Jack got hit head on with the car, he's body was in good shape only had a few little scratches on it. He's head got a pretty good cut on his for head were his wrinkles are the most, I'm thankful it happened fast for him i like to think he wasn't in to much pain. Head injury's are pretty brutal, if he got hit some were else he would of been hurting. I hurt the most because I wasn't there with him, I wasn't the one to comfort him, me his mom the person he loved the most wasn't there for him. Instead it was a stranger I'm very grateful she stayed with him but I wish Jack knew I would of been there if i knew.. In a way it's probably good i wasn't there because it would of been to much for me, i freak out just when he gets sick can you imagine me being there helpless when my baby is dying? its to much to think of. I loved Jack deeply, he was an amazing dog to me, I thought he'd be with me for at lest 5 more years. HE got taken away way to soon. You cant help thinking it's somehow your fault, I should of know something wasn't right when I knew he wasn't barking at Steve, I should of checked his leash all these thoughts come to mind cause if i had done those things my baby would still be here with us. It's lonely without him. About a few days later i was home alone getting ready to go to work and i go into the kitchen and this overpowering smell of Jack was there, i walked back in the living room and it's not in there so i go back in the kitchen and its still there. I told him I love him and miss him and come and visit us anytime he wants. When i got back home from work the smell was gone. When I'm sick with a migraine or sleeping at night Nathan would let Jack come in the living room and lay on the couch by him while he played his game, when i got a migraine a week later i was sleepin in the room all day and Nathan said he could smell Jack and it only stayed for a few minutes. I believe spirits can go any were they want and Nathan and I totally believe Jack has came by and let us know by his smell. It hasn't happend since and I'm always looking for that sign of when he comes to visit.

A letter to my baby Jack

2010-11-16T14:59:00.000-08:00

My sweet sweet baby Jack, I'm gonna tell the story of how I got you. One day I just decided I was going to get a dog. Ever since I had a dog named Princess (she was a Shar Pei) I fell in love with the wrinkles. So I decided I was going to get my dream dog, I didn't think I'd find one in Utah so I went and searched the net for breeders. I remeber'd how big Princess was and the net said miniature Shar Pei's I was a mini wrinkly puppy heck yes! I saw breeders in China for mini mini Shar Pei's but they were thousands of dollars, I finally found a breeder who sold mini Shar Pei's, it looked legit so I sent her an email. Her name was Sharon, she wrote me back saying she just had a litere and had one male puppy left, at this point I didn't care if it was a girl or boy. You were going to be somebody Else's, but you couldn't be taken until a few weeks later because you had to get your eye's stapled up so the owners changed their minds, thank goodness for that. I told Sharon that I wanted you, she described you as a rusty red color, potty trained, and you were a good listener. I was sooo excited, I never saw a picture of you I was going off instinct and Sharon sounded like this was the real thing. You cost me $700 I made payments over a months time. I talked to Sharon a few times a week to check on how my baby was doing. She asked me what name I picked for you and I told her Captain Jack Sparrow but we'd call you Jack. You are A.K.C registered. I had marked on my calender the day I would pick you up, and for some reason the date got pushed back a month, I was so sad. I counted down the days and on August 31, 2006 mom and I drove to the airport, we waited bout an hour till your flight came in. We went to the pick up stand, and mommy was so nervous and excited to see you I waited a little over 2 months to get you. The man set your cage on the counter and your face was right up to the door and you were snorting and moving all over. I teared up I just saw this fat wrinkly face looking at me. I was in love that moment, I took you outside you were so nervous to come out, once out you went potty and you took forever lol. You were born in Missouri May 9, 2006, you were almost 4 months when I brought you home. You were the cutest sweetest wrinkly thing ever! Everybody loved you, it was so hard going to work that night that let me even leave early to get back to my baby. I came home and found you cuddled up in dads arms asleep in the garage. You slept all day, I would just hold you and cuddle. When we slept for the first few weeks you literally slept on my head, lol so I'd push you off. After that you started sleeping on my feet, you always had to be touching me. You had ticks on you but we went to the vet and fixed you up. I remember the vet putting a cone on you so you wouldn't rub your eyes. They still had the staples in, your eyes weren't very good as a baby. You acted so depressed with the cone on I felt so bad, I even cried cause I knew you hated it. You grew into your eyes, you had the darkest deepest chocolate brown eyes. You had a knack for running away to the horses. One day you were barking at its feet and it kicked you in the chest and it scared me so bad, and you still kept going at him. You loved to run. You had a temper with guys, you even attacked Lance. You charged the gate and got him right on the butt! He deserved it :) You got possessive over dog bones, every time I went to work or left you would sit at the door and wait, broke my heart. You loved your mommy so much. I threw you birthday parties, I gave you a new years kiss. You were very protective over me ;) you were a little OCD, whenever we got your leash you would go crazy, we had to hold you still to get it on and then right before we opened the door you would shake your flappy head . when we came back inside you'd do the same thing, every time you went outside. You were the best vacuum ever, you licked the ground so much you rubbed off your cute black nose. Whenever you gave kisses you would stop licking in the middle of your tongue hanging out and just sit there for a few seconds and then resume licking. We called it lazy tongue. Every morning you'd wake me up by bouncing on me to take you out, lol sometimes you'd stick your face right in front of mine and snort! Drove me nuts I wanted to sleep Jack. You had the best personality ever, you were so funny. When you would get so excited you'd put your ears down your tail curled under your butt and you'd run in circles all over the house as fast as you could. It was fun to watch. You loved playing tug a war, you would pull hard with mommy but with daddy you'd pull soft drove him nuts lol. You liked kids, you would watch TV and go crazy whenever you saw horses (daddy says you must have been a horse in your previous life). You'd try to eat and snap at the TV when you could reach it. You sometimes well alot of the time thought yourself as human and sometimes a cat. You would sit on the back of the couch just like a cat would. You constantly would look out the windows that we've had broken shades, right were your face would go. Taking you on walks was hard to do, you'd pull and try to get to every bush, tree anything you could sniff out and pee on. Annoying. You got in an argument with a dog that was his fault and he bit you and you just ignored him, very proud of you. You hated the rain, you would hold your pee until it stopped and if you had to go bad enough you'd duck your head and try to go under a bush to avoid the rain and then hurry and run back in the house lol. You didn't like riding in cars, you would always cry and walk in circles. Since you hated water you did not like baths at all, I had to chase you and carry you in the tub and you would just stand there and give me this pitiful look. Only recently did you not fight me to the tub, you actually just got in yourself very gloomily but you got in yourself! You were horrible when trying to cut your nails or put medicine in your ears. You were soo good looking you'd win a dog show. I loved loved kissing your soft fuzzy cheeks and the tip of your nose (it had a little fuzzy part). You didn't like to cuddle or be touched unless you wanted to be and when you would cuddle we took full advantage. Its no secret you had a temper, you made it very hard or mommy to take you to a vet. Some even turned us away ;( I wanted to breed you and get a little girl from you but I knew with your attitude it wasn't a good idea. I thought fixing you would help but I never got around to it. You loved playing with Nessi when she was a baby, so cute. You were my life, my happiness my light in the dark. I could never leave you, one of the reason's why I didn't got to rehab. I loved you with all that I have. you were my most prized possession. I did everything I could for you, I spoiled you rotten, I did put you first but you are my baby. Your curly tail rubbed so much on your back that it rubbed off the hair at the tip of your tail, it was funny we called it your worm tail. LOL. Nathan wanted you in the backyard the house was to small. That first night out there broke my heart, I cried all night. You were barking and crying and sitting facing the door staring for me to come let you in. It killed me, I wanted you with me so bad but I knew you needed to be out there. I knew you wanted mommy but you had to get use to it. After a week you slept through the night, you loved it outside, you'd lay in the sun and sleep. You lived up to your name for sure, you were just as crazy and one of a kind :) You took pictures with mommy in her dress and you were sooo good, I was so proud of you. Theirs a picture were we are looking at each other and you can just see the total admiration and love you had for me. Everyone knew you are my baby boy. I love you so very much Jack you are my world.

Meet & Greet book Signing

2010-08-07T01:48:00.000-07:00

Ever since November of last year I had a co-worker who let me borrow one of her books from an author that she really liked, so I read the book "A Crimson Frost" and absolutely LOVED it! I had her let me borrow another one of hers "The Fragrance of Her Name" LOVED that one as well! After those 2 I was hooked, I had to start getting my own collection of her books and read every one. It took me awhile to figure out how I was gonna get the books alot of stores don't sell them so I had to order them from Barnes and Noble..When I was reading her books and reading a different book I kept thinking that I need to read Marcia Lynn McClure's book this one is not exciting me like Marcia's! So anyways I love this Author Marcia Lynn McClure, she writes romance book and they are the good clean fun romance books "It's all about the Kissing" in these books, their just amazing! I have been waiting for Months and Months for her to have her Meet and Greet in Utah and turns out she was going to do one in Provo :) I was soo excited. I patiently waited for August and I would check her website to see any updates and I swear it said her Provo meeting was towards the end of the month, well last night for some reason I checked her website and it said the Meet and Greet was TONIGHT! I bout had a heart attack, I have been planning and waiting for months to go and just knowing I ALMOST missed it bout sent me into a crying mess. I called off work :( Shame on me but I Couldn't miss this..I told Nathan that I"m sorry but your getting dropped off at work almost an hour early I need to go early and get a good spot in line cause I will not miss this for coming to late! I get there about 5:45 and it don't start till 7. I walk in and this really sweet lady comes to me says this is the VIP greeting and that I can go do whatever and be back by 7 cause that's when they'll let us in. I go sit in my car for 20 min and realize they probably don't take Debit.I walk to the front desk of the Hotel and right when I'm crossing the street the same cute lady drives by stops and says she wanted to give me this ticket cause I was so cute for coming so early and she wants me to be the first in line!

I was really excited that was really nice of her. So I go get cash and come back and I see people going in so I decide to head in too. There was a few girls in front of me but I wasn't worried cause little did they know I was the first person! LOL. We wait for a bit but it was fun and then right when they let us in Mom shows up just in time and we go in we purchase the books and then go sit and wait to be called... Marcia comes up and she answers a few question and she is the cutest, funniest, sweetest down to earth person, I could talk to her forever. It's time for us to go see Marcia and the sweet lady says to me okay your the first come on up! Okay so when i came in the 2 time there were 3 ladies at the front of the row and you could tell they were the type like I'm first and I'm gonna be first type thing ya know? Well when the sweet lady says come up one of them makes a comment saying " I knew she'd be first" like she had a feeling I'd be the first ticket called, i ignored it and went up and sat with Marcia and we talked I admitted that I have a crush on her Husband from the picture of him in the back of her books there's 2 pictures I love that he just looks very good in and that I tell my husband and so she gives me a better picture of the 2 pictures I like of him she was so funny about it saying that he'd love to take a picture with me and to sign as well...She asked which was my first book to read and I told her and said that the first 2 i read are my favorites and she just acted more pleased and happy that those were mine because she really likes those as well, it was just awesome! I got a picture with her and signed books and it was soo worth it. It's hard to explain how I felt but I'm glad I got to share it with my mom..

She was so funny, she was trying to hide behind me act like my body was her's and say " I'm skinny!" She made my face go so red!

She was just awesome!

Her handsome Husband

Me and my Mommy, thanks for coming!

All my books that I got signed, I'm only missing one cause I let mom borrow it to read :) enjoy!

Just takin pictures in the car waiting to go back inside...I was having a good confidence day.

Haha

My Purple glasses with my purple shirt!

Oh ya

My amazing Pucker lips. Nathan just laughs every time I try to go in for a kiss cause apparently I go in like this lol I don't mean too!!!

Simple I am a Drug Addict

2010-06-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

Plain and simple I am addicted to drugs especially Heroine. I am not ashamed or embarrassed I did it I'm done end of story. The reason that made me want to do this is cause whenever i watch a movie or a show or hear people talking bout "druggies" they make it sound soo much worse. Like on TV or a movie someone will be taking pain pills or some kind of drug and then automatically it starts working and then the person starts acting all stupid and wobbly and cant think right, granted there are some drugs that mess up your thinking but the way TV betrays drug users is soo false! and that's what pisses me off cause it makes people think that were this crazy out of control druggie. Not every drug user is like and shouldn't be betrayed like the people on TV they make it look so much worse its crazy. Ive associated with people who i would never associate with if i didn't do drugs, Ive seen things that most people cant think of I've been in situations were its crazy I'm still okay. The drug scene isn't a pretty one, but I just get annoyed when movies and TV betray us as these cray horrible people stay away their drug addicts blah blah blah. Were not all bad, their are some bad ones but the way TV shows it its not accurate, at lest with how i was . When you think of a "Drug Addict" you automatically think bad stuff and wont give a second glance. That's not fair with all drug addicts, theres some really good people who just have a problem and yes there are once good people who have a problem and they let that change them. i knew somebody, they were the nicest person very cool person and once they started using a certain drug they changed you wouldn't even know it was still the same person, they let the drug change them which is sad. I changed a little but i didn't let my drugs change me completely. I just dont want people believing that what they see on TV or movies when it comes to drug users that it's all correct. I was a drug user for a little over a year then I started to use Heroine which I love for 7 months straight.. I am not a bad person I am a normal 22 yr old who has expirenced a little more then others and I'm not ashamed of it ;) Judge me whatever be small minded, I don't care.

Gone to Germany

2010-06-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

My dear sister and her family left to Germany on Thursday, it was really tuff saying goodbye to her and the those stinkin cute kids. She has always been an amazing sister (has bit of a temper) but she's still the best. We've had some fun times and some hard times but what sister's don't??? I had a really hard time the last week they were here, but I know that I will go and visit really soon so it's not too bad but still it's never easy saying goodbye to a sister even if she's just leaving the country. It's really hard because I want to see them grow up, I had really really sucky aunts when growing up who I felt like didn't give a crap about me so I'm trying to do everything that i wished my aunts would of done and for them to leave and me not able to go see them do a school dance or a play or whatever it is, it sucks. But I love you Brady's and I can't wait to come visit!

Randomness

2010-05-07T14:23:00.000-07:00

Alrighty...I'm just gonna post some random pictures over the last few weeks.

Sittin in car while on break at work.
I went to my mom's a few Sunday's ago and had dinner with them, it was nice to see the family. this is McKadie she is a freakin crack up! I could not stop laughing at her. She is doing some crazy face like always.
My sweet baby, sleepin on the couch.
Nathan and I went over to Katrina's awhile back and she showed us this toy thing that was awesome. Nathan decided to have a go on it!
The Sunday I went to my parents we also went to my house to give mom my dryer since my house is CRAP and can't even do my laundry in my own home why not let her use it?
More pictures at work
Mindy remember this shirt??? LOL ya I still got it
I was a perfect house wife my day off. I did all the freakin laundry! 5 baskets full see behind me. Then I made some yummy chicken with DELICIOUS sauce hmmm yummy. Love the apron my sista's got me? Trying out some new lip gloss from Hard Candy.
The End

The Last Song

2010-05-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

Okay so I figured I'd start making post's about what book(s) i just finished reading. Kinda like a book club on posting :) So I got done reading The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks.. I liked the book, i wanted to read it before I saw the movie, to me while i was reading it I couldn't figure out how this book was turned into a movie, I felt that it wasn't really movie material. now that i think about it i think that it could be a good movie between a daughter finding a relationship with her dad. haven't seen the movie yet so I"m still a lil iffy on if it could of been turned into a movie. i love Miley so I'm sure its a good movie..

Thought I'd show my wonderful pucker lips..Nathan gets a laugh every time I do this to kiss him lol.
I liked this hat of Nathan so i wore it plus I didn't wash my hair so its covering it
I remember in my photo album as a little girl I did a face like that so I thought I'd do it 20 yrs later....It shows of my wonderful hidden Dimple I got from my mother :)

We Made it!

2010-05-07T14:03:00.001-07:00

Nathan and I on our first day off together in a while decided we want to be active this summer get out side more enjoy the weather, so Monday we decided to go on a hike. The pictures show from last to first (Sorry) LOL....

This is Nathan needing to take a pit stop He He
He's so sexy, I told him to take his shirt off so I could watch his muscle work on his body cause its hot! But he said no that he's too white( which he is, He is a red head after all).
Saluting, why?? No Idea
Took another stop, that hike worked us hard, I can't believe how out of shape I am!
Looking over the valley. That's the road to my house Kinda
Gotta kiss....Its funny cause this is the spot in my Bridal picture that I made a heart with my hand :)

Memories....This is were I took my Bridals..On these stairs is one of my Favorite pictures of my dress
Waiting for Nathan to finish making his Pit stop

This is when we started our hike

LOL okay 2 reason's for this picture # 1 I got a new Lip Gloss from Hard Candy and I liked it so I thought I'd take a Picture of it in the sun :) #2 Nathan and I are always laughing and making fun of Bret Micheal's pictures because His lips are always puckered out! So this is my Bret Michael's pose

Waiting for Nathan, he ran back to the car to get some Medicine
Excited for the hike to begin!

Sleep over with Jaxy

2010-04-15T17:03:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, I got to watch Jaxy for the night. Katrina had a GNO and I said I would watch the baby. He is the cutest sweetest little baby ever and I just love watching him. Trina dropped him off and he was such a good baby. He liked Jack he tried to pull and eat his tail whenever Jack came by to sniff him out. It was fun being parents for awhile.

He got a tubby! he was so cute
Night Night bud

You Cant help but to just love him

Nathan playing with him while I got ready for work

He does not hold still long enough for my camera to take a picture so there kinda blurry.

He is the sweetest thing

I love you Jaxy!!! Thanks Trin for letting me take him.

Books, Readin, Books and more reading

2010-03-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

I love to read. I've loved reading ever since I could remember. Lately I have been obsessed with reading, I read like 3 different books at a time. I'm always seeing new books that sound good and I just gotta read it! Right now I am reading A Vampire Academy and I had my doubts about it but I borrowed the books from a friend and it's actually pretty good. My goal is to have a whole library filled with books, right now it'd be nice if i even had just a little book shelve lol Nathan keeps getting after me for having my books all over the house...I love mythical, fantasy Vampire, werewolf's, magic, witch's, ghosts books that I can pretend that things like that exists its just fun. I love to read.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENYA RAIN!!

2010-02-24T14:11:00.000-08:00

It is my dear dear sweet nieces birthday today. She is turning 9! I can't believe how old she is getting. I still remeber when she was a baby and now she's growin up! Kenya is in Cali with her family visiting her Dad. I miss you Kenya and I love you tons!!! your gonna have a great Birthday. She is such a happy goofy girl she just rocks!

I made a lil sign for Kenya since I can't see her on her big day!

Home cooked Meal

2010-02-24T13:59:00.000-08:00

Okay so for those of you who know me I do not like to cook, I suck at it and Its just something I don't like doing. Well Nathan has been hounding me to cook him food ever since we were dating an I said once your marry me I'll cook for ya! well we've been married for almost a year now and I haven't cooked a thing! Well I'm okay I'm gonna try and cook this chicken I got. So I called up my sista and asked her what the heck to do lol and I'm glad I did cause I would of completely did it wrong.

So this is the chicken and the milk and the crust stuff you put over the chicken, i hate the feel of chicken it was so gross!!
After they all were coated :) I did a good job
now there cookin time to take pictures!
My sista got me this Apron for Mothers day a year or 2 ago! Also see my new hair?

The finished project! They turned out really good Nathan really liked them which is why I cooked them! yay me

Babies......

2010-02-09T20:51:00.001-08:00

I've been having a really hard time with knowing I might have to adopt if I ever want to have any kids and knowing that I don't know if we could ever afford to even do Artificial Insemination. So I see all these people being pregnant or having babies and being at work and seeing all these adorable little babies and kids that I just want to quite and work some were where I don't have to see all these babies. I know right now isn't a good time for us to even think about having kids but its just the fact that I know I cant get pregnant and experience it is what I think bothers me the most. I especially get bothered by hearing about another girl who just gets knocked up and doesn't have a care in the world Its just not fair to those who can't or are having a hard time getting pregnant. I don't think its wrong of me to be a little jealous or feel a little resentment towards people who are pregnant its just how i feel. I'm afraid that if I do adopt I'm not going to love them like I would my own that i wont see them as fully my very own kid, I don't know maybe I'm just not mature enough and it'll change once i get older. Nathan is awesome we were watching Juno and I just started crying and he just held me and said it'll be okay that we'll have kids but not right now, I love him and its not his fault.....I love my nieces and nephews ATON and am so happy I live close to them for now they are my kids and their awesome

New Hair

2010-02-07T15:32:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to do something different with my hair for awhile now, I just couldn't decide what! I know I wanted to change my color and do like a style haircut but I figured I'd wait till I had money to get my hair cut I'm trying to grow it out I just want style to it..I had a customer come through my line like bout 2 weeks ago and it was like almost black but with red in it I thought it was really cute so I asked her what color it was she said Black Cherry from Sally's I'm like awesome that's the color I'm gonna do! So yesterday Mindy picks me up we go to Trina's and I figure I'm gonna surprise Nathan and color my hair. I get the color and me and Kat are doing it we wash it out and my hair is literally PURPLE! I'm like this is not what I wanted! I call Sally's tell them my hair is PURPLE she says to come in and she'll give me what I need to fix it the lady was really nice she gives me the stuff and I go back to Kat's and we fix it! It was a long day my head feels like its been through the ringer but my hair turned out and I love it and Nathan loves it. Its looks like a dark Burgundy but with red in it I think its awesome!

Temple

2010-02-06T12:29:00.001-08:00

I have always wanted to go to the temple It's always been something I've wanted to do, even if I wasn't the active girl I was suppose to be the temple has always sill been in my mind.Now I've struggled with drug addictions for along time, having premarital sex, living with another man i've been doing all these things that were stopping me from being able to start going to the temple..WELL now that I am married and am allowed to live with another man and have sex and I'm not doing drugs I feel like I am ready to start trying to reach my goal on getting to the temple! I went and talked to my bishop I'm doing what I'm suppose to do and I start my temple prep class next week. I'm really excited I hope that this is the right time for me and if not then I'll know but right now i have a goal and I will do what I need to and if things happen I'll take them as they come but I feel good Im happy and this is a new exciting thing for me!

Hunter Baptism

2010-01-18T09:37:00.000-08:00

Hunter got baptized a few months ago and tashina finally showed the pictures haha..

Here is the Witts..Trina was at home with the sick boys
This is the whole family
Nathan Hunter and I..I still remeber when Hunter was just a little baby with a big head :)
Grandma and Grandpa Wininger
Lance and Mckadie..He loves these kids
The Siblings minus Trina and Shina
Lance and his soon to be new family!
Hunter and His family
Uncle Colton
Seth and Mindy
Hunter and Me!
Lance with Hunter

Mold

2010-01-10T14:01:00.001-08:00

Yup! I got Mold in my BEDROOM....If it was somewere else in the house I wouldnt mind as much but its in my ROOM.. So we new we had a LITTLE mold in our room until last night. Last night Nathan moved the stuff that we had in the corner of our room thats by the back door and this is what we found!

This is after we've sparyed it and let it sit on the mold.
This is just right after we've moved everything. It's so freakin disgusting, i cant believe something like this is in my house!
This WAS Nathan's speaker but now its coverd in mold.
So we sprayed it all down with Bleach and just scrubbed it off. We still need to move the bed out and the other dresser to see what the damage is there. I don't think its this bad but we will see...Our is full of moisture from the shower and that door I think gots somethign to do with it as well. so now we either let mold grow or open the windows and jsut let the room big a freezer :) Love my life!

2010!!!

2010-01-03T23:12:00.001-08:00

New Years we spend it at Katrina's House. They are such great host..It was a great fun night. Mom and Dad were there as well.

Jaxy and Me... I freakin L.O.V.E this little baby
All I did was love tap Jon for him doing something to me and he freakin goes after my leg! i would of fought back, but since these were new cloths I couldn't ruin them!! Next time Jonny boy
Nathan was an awesome sport and started attacking the kids by throwing balls at them. they all got together and charged him!
Me and my hubby "trying" to watch the movie 9. LOl don't ask about what he's doing.
Like I said I love this baby so whenever I'm around I'm his "Mom". He was so fun to feed
Me and my Hallie girl. She helped me big time on this game. She was freakin awesome at finding the things.
this was a really fun game.
Us Girls. I love my sisters like no other! I was thinking of you Tashina!
I couldn't of asked for better sisters :)
I'm standing there watching the New york ball drop on TV and here comes Nathan
and I'm Down for the kiss!
This was a New years hat we put it on him it went all the way down to his next, we lifted it and this is the face. I love this baby.

MERRY ChRiStMaS

2010-01-03T23:06:00.001-08:00

This year my great sister Katrina invited me and Nathan to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with her and the kids...Of course we said YES! I love this family like no other so we spent the night.

It was crazy on how you could not see the floor! It was alot of fun. The kids were so happy with their presents.

The night before
We woke up and Jaxy loved this one car seat toy.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas!

Happy late Thanksgiving!

2009-12-17T11:47:00.000-08:00

Okay this is after all the eating and now playing a games!

Me and my mommy

Mckadie she is a crakc up!
Sista's!!!

Me and Navi snuck in the bathroom and took pictures

She is so funny

Uncle coco

haha this picture cracks me up

ya this picture is funny he was messin up my hair!
my baby brother! not nobody messes with him
Navi sad bout her marshmellows i think oh ya I took em away from her so she could eat but then her mom said she can just hold them

Movies with my Hubby

2009-12-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

My hubby and I at the movies. We love going to the movies. I think this one was Michel Jacksons This is it.

New Moon

2009-12-17T11:31:00.000-08:00

This is when us sistas and mom all went to see New Moon. It's become a tradition for the SISTERS and Momma to go and see the movie together. It was fun its always fun.

This was after the movie my camera got switched to black and white apparently. Trina be a goof.
haha how do you like having a flash going off in your eyes in the dark mom ? lol
My sweet sweet baby Jaxy
Before teh movie!
I just got off work ugh I look like crap

2009-11-10T11:42:00.000-08:00

For 2 days I got to be babysitter/mom. I got to watch McKadie she is the cutest thing ever. She was very good never had any problems with her. She's so happy. I was sad that she had to leave I wanted her to stay.
I was doing the dishes and i feel her touch my butt so i look and she points and she put her lil sticker stick thing in my pocket lol . ( my butt looks good :))
Nathan made her a lil bed and she loved it

I told her to look at me and she kept her face but not her eyes lol

She was told to get out of something so she went to nathan

She loves her Brat doll she was rocking her in front of the mirror she's so funny

2009-11-10T11:38:00.000-08:00

My sister is teh best. She took time out of her day to come and decorate my lil house. It turned out really good. The motivater was cause I had a purse party and needed my house lookin like a house. My kitchen is my living room. So this is abouce my cupboreds.
This is a shelve that's abouve my stove.
this is my other wall all we had were wedding pictures but I tink it looks great.
And out other wall. THANKS SISSY!

Halloween Costume

2009-11-10T11:35:00.000-08:00

The after picture
Here is my costume I know its not the greatest picture
I was a Duchess I'm just missing the tall blonde wig. but I liked it.

Random pictures

2009-11-10T11:25:00.000-08:00

Isnt' he so sexy :) My and lil Brother. he's so much BIGGER then me and I'm 2 yrs older. sad. he let me drive his truck to pick up my medicine boy was that a trip. I am promised to have the truck when he gets a new one :) I love driving old trucks so much fun.

Here are my kids. hailey and Jaxy
Jack showed a interest in the fish so daddy was showin him.
and He he is freakin straight up laid down in mud!
He loves loves to look out the window. He's a freak about the outside
Mallory had her first sleep over at Aunt Tasha's.
We made a lil bed and watched a movie on the laptop. ( she slept on the couch)
a picture with kenners at her baptism

2009-11-10T11:17:00.000-08:00

She Loved this so dont worry!

I was babysitting Hunter, sadie and Mckadie while the parents when to dinner.

I love to cuddle with my baby every time he lets me. I dont take it for granted he's not the most cuddly thing

Old Pictures

2009-11-10T11:13:00.000-08:00

Just going through and gettin pictures off my camera . These are really old this was this years Valentines

Lincoln loves Uncle Lance

Catch up

2009-10-27T15:34:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna try and do better to keep updated on this thing :) First My great sister Katrina came over this last week to help me decorate my lil house and get it homey for me a few broken things here and there alot of bent nails but we got it done and it looks great! my house has never been cleaner. I am cooking, just a few things here and there but lest i'm trying it's actually not that bad. It's hard to stay positive and go to work when your work is run by shady people who lie and dont follow through and really only care bout them selvs. Hmm sounds like my old job. my night supervisor is probably just as mean and B***tchy as my last as well :( On a better note I am really gratefull I at lest have a job. I am loving this wheather its great for cuddle time. I had a purse party saturday and it made me realize how I need to get new friends and that people that I consider as my friend really arent my friends, you cant have friends and not be able to count on them. so i'm looking forward to getting new friends start over with it'll be nice. I had a lil scare with my baby jack, he got really sick and it scared the heck out of me I was bawling my eyes out so my sister I love her mIndy left her friends house just for me to come take us to the vet. turned out he had a bacterial infection got a few meds and he's good as new. he's a very healthy 30 lbs boy :) lol you could tell the vet was getting annoyed cause jack wouldnt stop peeing all over the room haha loved it thats my boy never stops marking his territory. ...I went to my Doc. appt and we talked about me being a sponser! I've been clean for over a year so i could be a sponser only thing is i need to start going to my AA meetings first lol. but geesh who knew that I could possibly be a sponser?? We'll see it all depends on how strong I am and if I can be with some one or in contact with someone who gets and is on my favorite drug. BUT I am waiting for my sister to get my pictures loaded up sO i can post my honeymoon pictures!!!!! I've been dying to show and tell!

2009-10-09T14:57:00.000-07:00

All us kids went camping, it was so much fun! Here is mom doing a crazy face
Me and my boys
Katrina and I and my baby Jaxson
All 4 sisters and Madre ( plus baby Jax)
Colton playing ball with all 5 dogs: Jerry, Harold, Lily, Pearl, Nessie
Us with daddy
The Guy I take after in looks! See the resemblence in our big nose?
Jump harry jump

2009-08-05T14:04:00.001-07:00

Okay I don't have internet so that is why I do not blog . What's been going on since the wedding?? Me and Nathan have just been working night's at Wal-mart (go walmart!) lol. just trying to keep cool in our oven house my poor jack you can just tell he is so miserable cause it is so hot! Been swimming a few times with my sisters that's always fun :) I promise one of these times I will tell all about my honeymoon! I have to get my pictures from it from my sister so i can show ya'all. Our phones are also off so for those who are trying to call us you now know why!

Addiction

2009-07-22T12:42:00.001-07:00

As most of you know I have an addiction to drugs, it started out just being pain pills then it went to my drug of choice heroin.. I have been clean and sober for almost 2 years (geesh it doesn't feel that long) anyway my sister told me about this dance that they did on so you think you can dance and it's such a great dance that shows so much, You wouldn't get the full affect and what exactly the moves mean but to me and Nathan it meant alot to us and we just cried cause it's such a hard thing to watch and you know exactly what every dance move means... Its hard for me to explain but I just thought this dance is amazing and it totally hits home for me. I felt the pain of when she tries to escape it but he doesn't let her and its exactly how drugs are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OHT_75f7aM

2009-07-15T12:21:00.001-07:00

FYI: All the pictures of the wedding I posted are done by Jill Witt

2009-07-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

Some Pictures

2009-07-11T12:52:00.000-07:00

These are just barley barley a few of my favorites. I had soooo many It's so dang hard to pick just a few!
I was so scared that this herd of deer were going to attack me cause they had baby deer there so I was freaking out and there was ALOT of deer they are just hiding.

2009-07-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

I am married! Yay I am now (finally) Natasha skinner :) It's just awesome. I don't got internet I'm sharing it with my mom so next time I get it I will post pictures and tell all about my Honeymoon!!!! I love being married, why didnt I get married sooner lol. Here is jut a few pictures

jumping and then I totally fell on my butt!
The Recovery made some good pictures

Photo taken by Colton Wininger

The "Kiss"!!

HAPPY fATHERS DAY dAD!

2009-06-21T15:34:00.001-07:00

Just want to say Happy Father's day to my Dad! He is a great guy, he's the most friendliest person, doesn't matter who they are strangers friends he's always waving hi are chattin up a storm even if they just met. My dad has gone through alot and he's still a great guy never gives up. I'm proud to be his daughter and am so glad he is here to walk to me down the aisle :) Love you dad!

Count Down!

2009-06-21T15:23:00.001-07:00

It's finally here, the week that leads up to everything I've been doing for the last 3 months. It's crazy I'm getting more anxious and nervous( I'm really nervous about going into a panic attack). I Can't wait to get in my dress and see that moment when Nathan see's me for that first time( lets hope I don't bawl like a baby, I am a cryer). I can't wait. Nathan's family is getting in Thursday and Friday, were having a Parent dinner Friday night so that should be fun. I can't wait to go to the St. Marteen It's going to be amazing! I'm going to tak ATON of pictures I can't wait~!!!!

2 Weeks left!!

2009-06-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

The big day is almost here!! I don't know if I'm feeling excited or nervous about what's to come after the wedding... First off ever since my Celine Dion moment :) every time I think about walking down the aisle or anything that has to do with me walking and doing the ceremony my chest starts to tighten up like its doing right now! and I get panic attacks, so just having that happen by just THINKING about it just imagine what will happen when it finally gets here!!!! I am soo praying that I don't pass out or freak out or what cause how i feel right now I do not want to feel that or feel worse when its time oh heaven help me. Then my whole life I've always been deathly afraid of planes and needles, I'm always scared that with my luck my plane will have a terrorist attack and I'll crash and die really I'm so scared of being high jacked on a plane. I've only flown 3 times I think and every time I freak out really ask my mom and sister it's not funny it's a huge fear. So right after the reception I have to get on a plane for over 24hrs. I'm scared to death!!! So Yay me i have so much to look forward to :) Ha-Ha but I am excited for this to finally happen, It's been a dream of mine to always get married and have a princess dress and everything so I'm really happy I can't wait. I'm also a little upset sorry this is being really blunt so If i offend sorry! But we go straight to the airport and fly for about a whole day before we get to our hotel, I just got married I don't want to wait a whole freakin day to have great married sex, really i am bothered by it usually they get a hotel and the next day fly out don't get my wrong I'm stoked to get to St. Martin asap! but I do want to have my little time with my "husband" . Sooo we'll see what happens. :)

So Busy

2009-04-26T15:29:00.000-07:00

Okay so I don't know what I got myself into, what was I thinking!! I have wedding coming up in almost a month I'm moving, just finishing up the Invitations and getting them sent off have my Bridals pictures in 3 weeks ugh What did I do! Ha-Ha Okay so in little more details and explanation. Last week I was helping Katrina find a house cause she is moving as well, well we saw on teh computer a duplex for allot cheaper that what I'm currently in, well I call it and am really excited cause I saw the pictures of it and I really like it. I'm just so nervous that Nathan wont like it he is sooo dang freaking picky and ohh it just gets to me sometimes lol but luckily he liked the house. Well I told the guy we want it and that we could give him money for it, he said it's between us and this other couple and the Guy he works with makes the final decision so great always my luck this happens. Well the next day I get a call saying " do you still want the house"? I say "YES!" "Well I have some bad news.....I have to call the other girl and let her know she didn't' get picked" O my gosh did my heart just sink to my stomach I thought he was going to say I didn't get the house! So he says "Do you feel bad for her?" " NO not really!" Haha so he says to come down and we'll fill out the paper work. This is has alot of good things about it, first it allows my baby and he has a little backyard to play in second it's a old school Provo house that I just love about Provo's old houses I've always liked them but could never get in a place like them so its very unique and different and it's alot cheaper so we'll be saving money. It's a 2 bedroom 1 half bathroom/ laundry room and then a full bathroom. It's very cute and the landlord is awesome! The Neighborhood is so pretty, well it's bit of a stress not the perfect time to move but hopefully with the help with family and friends we can get moved and finish up this wedding!

Happy Easter!

2009-04-15T11:18:00.001-07:00

Mom sadly had to work so Trina took the kids and visited mom. Missed you!

Here is the yummy food Mindy made, so good!

I had hidden 2 eggs on dad one in is sandle and the other in his rolled up pants leg,Navi walks by adn says " Graapa...why do you have those eggs?" he says " They are hidding for them to be found, the one who finds them gets to keep them" She gets a big smile says "Okay!" and grabs them.
Me helping Maverick (cheat a little) the one's who I helped was loaded with eggs,there so lucky to have me!
Nathan and I helping Navi
The Kids waiting while the eggs are being hidden

Ever since I can remember my family always went to Ceder City to my grandparents house and stayed the weekend there and had Easter, well do to some drama they have dis owned us, therefore we were able to have Easter here. Which was so much fun no stressing about packing and driving 3 hours and then coming back in time for work or school. Well we had it at Mindy's house she went all out on the food and everything it was great. She made so much food and it was DELICIOUS! Thanks Min it was alot of fun. We also did the famous egg hunt in her back yard, we did like 4 rounds it was alot of fun. Also that day my newest friend that I met in church had her baby blessed so that was fun to watch.

Sad

2009-04-10T12:07:00.000-07:00

Okay so yesterday I took back our Internet and Comcast so the only way I can get on is if I go to my sisters sooo sadly i must say I wont be able to post as often or check any of my lovely friends blogs :( So I will try to post and often as I can! Love to all farewell my fellow bloggers lol

2009-04-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

Here is her Beautiful coffin, I just loved it. this is after most people picked out a flower from the arrangement flower thing and put it on her coffin, her favorite flower were daisy's.

The Paul(sp?) Barriers my dad and Lance putting the flower they wore on her grave.
Here they are caring her out left to right front Lance (brother) Uncle Ron Uncle Scott
Back left to right Dad, Uncle Bill Uncle Tim

G.N.O

2009-04-05T15:21:00.000-07:00

Last night we had a girls night while the boys were at priesthood. We ate lots of junk food by the end of the night our tummies were hurting (if you look at the table you can see skittles and cookies) Traci also made yummy pizza! Like always we raced each other on Mario Kart Wii as always Traci is the winner and I'm usually around 5th 6th place and our amazing Rachi you can always find her in 12th! Here I am playing a wicked game of Tennis (which my arm is sore by the way) I am a pro at this nobody can defeat me and my power serve.

Rachel finally showed us up at Guitar hero Yay go Rach!!! She rocked at this game even when she was rockin out singing to the songs, I got booed off TWICE it's hard! but I love it, it's fun fun
And here is Tracer, she did awesome but not as good as rach lol. It's good to have a laugh and with these girls your always laughing by the jokes or weird things they say. As you can see Rach is a crack up !
P.S Thanks Trac for lettin me borrow the pictures :) love ya!

Goodbye for now

2009-04-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

November 28, 1939 - March 27, 2009

Myrna Darleen (Packer) Grosland
(November 28, 1939 - March 27, 2009)

Myrna Darleen (Packer) Grosland, 69, of Orem Utah, peacefully passed away on March 27, 2009, in the presence of her beloved family. She was born November 28, 1939 in Burbank, California. In 1958, she married the love of her life, Rogert Eugene Grosland, in Sunland, California. They were later sealed for time and all eternity in the Los Angeles California Temple.

Myrna was an active member of the LDS Church. She proudly served two full time missions with her husband. She loved to crochet and donated her time and skills to various charitable organizations. Myrna loved spending her time doing various outdoor activities as well as traveling across country with her husband

Myrna is survived by her husband, Robert Grosland, her 6 children, 27 grand children, 12 great grand children, and her brother, Dale Packer of Orem, Utah.

A public viewing will be held on Monday, March 30, 2009 from 7-9 p.m. at the Walker Sanderson Funeral Home located at 646 East 800 North, Orem. Funeral services will take place on Tuesday, March 31, 2009 at 11:00 a.m. There will be an additional viewing prior to the services at 10:00 a.m. at the Canyon View Stake Center located at 575 East 800 North, Orem.

The family requests that in lieu of flowers a donation in honor of Myrna can be made to the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation. www.myltiplemyeloma.org

Yesterday was my grandma's funeral, it was a nice day a little chilly but nice. Her casket was very pretty, she looked nice they even made sure to put on her pink lipstick...Alot of family drama but you can expect a little of that in situations like this(most of it I did not agree with). It's still hard to fathom that she is gone she was just one fo those people that you think will always be around its very hard to accept that I'll never see her again in this lifetime. All in all it was a nice funeral.

Poem

2009-04-01T15:18:00.000-07:00

This is a poem I guess you can call it, I wrote it a long time ago when I was in grade school and I remember being in the set of mind frame of like Jay Letterman or one of those talk show guys ha-ha I have no clue why but oh well. I showed my mom and family and they actually thought that I copied it or copied some parts of it but I did not I can proudly say. I think it's pretty dang good, so I thought I'd share it on my blog :)

Love
What is love to us, people say it's just a thing that people say when they care about someone or somebody. So how can we fix it? We Can't, so it's a thing that people cant control we use the word every day there's not a day that goes bye and people don't use it, but why? why do we use the word Love? that's the whole reason why we have kids and wife's husbands family's. will love ever end? No. not in the human world it will always go on and on. Love is a important thing in this world, so why do we have it with us in our hearts? does love make us happy? yes it does that's what makes us live and that's why we are here on earth.

So there is my little poem that I made up in my room on my bed when i was in grade school.

Goodbye

2009-03-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

Bye Grandma! I love you so much, I'm so glad that you are not in pain anymore. You were such a strong person you stayed strong for a long time..Today I came to see you I watched you take your last breath I wasn't expecting that but I'm glad I got to witness you becoming pain free....

I went to go say goodbye to grandma before she started going way down hill and we wouldn't be able to go in the room so that the siblings could be with her. After about 15 minutes of being there I noticed her breathing changed and mom asked if i moved her oxygen finger thing cause it wasn't reading anything it was just a question mark, so mom and Uncle Bill came over and she hadn't taken a breath for at lest 25 seconds then after what seemed forever she finally took a hug breath and she never took another one after that. I'm sorry that Grandpa and Heidi and the other's couldn't be there at this time but I feel blessed to be in there when she was taking her last breath. Watching them take her out of the room on a stretcher and covered was really hard to watch that was my grandma under that blanket and I cried. The funeral will be Tuesday not looking forward to that, I tried to find a picture with her but I couldn't find one I'm sure there's at lest one somewhere.

She was such a happy person, everyone and anyone she came in contact with she left a forever lasting impression.

She came to about every event that happened and you could always count on seeing her holding a baby.

2009-03-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to the hospital to visit and see Grandma, I haven't seen her since Sunday and such a difference in how she looks and breaths and feels. Her breathing is so shallow its like it takes everything she has left to get that one breath, she is turning grey and feeling a Little stiff. Her heart beat has been going up, she is showing signs of the last stage and is very near to letting go. My Aunt Heidi flew in last night, she's the youngest out of the kids glad she can make it. Being jobless totally sucks, its the worse thing ever especially since I'm planning a wedding! Well Ive made my own home made Cinnamon rolls they are delicious!

I love you Grandma

2009-03-23T10:24:00.000-07:00

Saturday I get a call saying if you want to say goodbye to Grandma come now..I love my Grandma she was so great. I have so many memories of her and they are all good. One time she bought me my favorite cereal just for me. I went grocery shopping with her and we'd get in there blue car and before we'd drive off she'd get in her purse dig out her lipstick it was a pink reddish color she'd look in her review mirror and put it on those thin lips, sometimes she would even put just a little on me. She'd always have me come over when she was dusting off her Salt & Pepper shakers or taking them down or putting them back up in her glass case. I remember going into the library were she worked after church..She was was always willing to feed me lunch when i needed to eat during break. She was so kind, She never got after me or lectured me when she found out my drug addiction, she was very supportive and happy that I got clean. I can hear her voice saying " Oh Bob" lol after Grandpa joking around or doing something...Saturday they stopped all treatment for her, they are just giving her pain medicine and everyday she goes more into a deep sleep, Saturday I was able to talk to her for a few seconds she said my ring was very pretty. Grandma I was hoping you could of made it till my wedding, I was really wanting you to be there, but I know you were in alot of pain and I understand, You can see my perfect dress while you lookin down on me from heaven. Grandma I love you, you gave me a great mom, thanks for everything you did for us.

Good Job Babe

2009-03-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we found out that Nathan got the job for Wal-Mart, he went to Orientation that Tuesday. The store isn't set up yet so he will just help get it set up and then once it's done he'll start his new job. It's like bitter sweet he gets a job and I get "laid off" I'm glad one of us is working, it'd be alot better if we both were.

Thursday night Mindy came over and we attempted to do the new fashion of Gel Toes, It's suppose to last about 8 weeks and not cheap like regular nail polish. Mindy got the glitter and thank goodness cause I love sparkly glittery things, We painted all my toes the colors cause I couldn't' decide they were all pretty. There pretty cool!

Beutiful day

2009-03-14T22:31:00.001-07:00

Today Tashina & Brian had Sadie sealed to them. It was really cool they have been waiting for this for a long time. Sadie's Biological mom agreed and and told them the news Christmas day Sadie was very happy. There were sooo many Brides with there pretty dresses and it jut made me even more excited for my day to come and finally get to put on my gorgeous dress and show Nathan! Speaking of my dress I went and picked it up today! Oh I am so freakin happy, It's ten times prettier o my gosh it's soo perfect just like my ring is so perfect! I will post pictures of the new and final ring as soon as I can get good camera that will show just how perfect it is! Aww I am so ready to be married, I'm done being just a "Girlfriend". It was a fun nice day at the Temple I'm excited for summer.

Thank's Min & Seth

2009-03-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

My sweet awesome sister, let me tell you why she's so awesome...As you know I got "laid off". I took it really hard and was having a bad day, I was really down..Nathan and I get this knock on our door while watching Austraila we open it and we see mindy with a basket & box full of cleaning stuff and food. She just walks right in and says I came to clean your house! Ha-Ha first off kinda embarrising when your sister has to come clean your house lol but very kind of her to want to do it. Also last night she came over and I guess she realized just how poor we really are and have no food. I'm so greatful, even before lossing my job we don't have alot of money to get food we gotta pay the bills so we have a place to live. I love her for wanting to help us out. I guess she was wanting to come over but then she herd i got "laid off" and took it hard she decided to come over even more and let me be sad in a clean house..I should of done before and after pictures but we cleaned the bathroom the kitchen washed the floors she even helped me start a little garden, I'm excited. Thank you Mindy & Seth for your help, it was greatly needed. LOVE YOU GUYS!

Not a good day

2009-03-13T18:09:00.001-07:00

I wasn't a big believer on Friday the 13Th being cursed or anything, but all that changed after today...First off I had a person for a boss that absolutely should not be ever in a supervisor position, therefore because people are scared of walking on her "toes" they do whatever she wants. I could go on and on about this person and how chemically wrong they are but story is I got "Laid Off" in there terms my terms I straight up got "fired" for what??? My boss getting ride of my job and then some how convincing people that I need to be let go. Total bull crap. I'm so mad and upset at this person that if i see them I will really let her know what I think. So Friday the 13Th pretty crappy day and I'm a believer that it brings badness.

It's here

2009-03-12T15:28:00.000-07:00

It's here it's here! My ring has finally came in from being sized, I waited as patiently as i could and now its here!!! Also tomorrow my dress should be finished getting checked and made perfecto. I cannot wait !

WEdding Website

2009-03-11T16:12:00.000-07:00

http://winingerandskinner.weddings.com

Snow snow & more Snow.....I'm getting married!

2009-03-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

I'm so sick of the snow!!!! It was all great fun yay snow blizzards in DECEMBER it's March come on now!
Well I am gettin more and more excited about my wedding, oh that's weird "MY wedding" haha never thought i"d gt to say that! I got my dress!!! It's absolutely amazing, Thanks mom for finding it and making me try it on. It's just so amazing I love it, I wish my wedding would come tomorrow so i can wear it! LOL. I love Nathan, he's my best friend. We fight Hard but we love hard. We've been through quit alot for only being together for 3 years.. Im so excited! I'm not excited bout this snow though..Saturday Kenya got Baptized! Love you. I'll post pictures later.

Thoughts....

2009-03-06T20:06:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad it's Friday!
I didn't realize how much thought and detail go into a wedding.
I feel like just making decision's isn't helping anything or getting anything done.
Tomorrow my niece Kenya is getting baptized! I'm so proud of her.
I'm very excited to get married.
I feel unengaged, now that I don't have my ring ( it's being sized).
I really have no clue how people pay for a wedding and still afford there
place to live in and bills, it's insane!
Hopefully everything will work out & I will have the dream
wedding I've been dreaming my whole life!
I love my family they are just awesome and amazing people!
Thank you.

The Story

2009-03-03T17:17:00.001-08:00

Okay, Yesterday was a eventful day. First off and most important Nathan and I got engaged! Second it was my 21st birthday! Lastly we found out that Katrina my sister is having another boy! yay His name will be Jaxson so cute! For my birthday me and my family all went to Classic Skating it was so much fun. After being there for awhile I noticed Nathan like disappeared, I was looking at the whole room for him and I saw him at the DJ booth for a second but I just thought he's probably doing something for my birthday so I do my own thing and I notice he hasn't been back for it seemed like an hour. Finally he comes back and he's like keeping to himself being quiet and just chilling in the back so I thought that was weird. After black out the DJ has every one clear off the floor and he just calls me out so I go out there and then Nathan comes skating to me and he says a few cute things then he gets down and pops the question. I love him! It was great I had no clue that was going to happen. Here are some pictures sorry they might be out of order. The date is June 20, its going to be busy busy.

Soon to be Mrs. Skinner

2009-03-02T22:35:00.000-08:00

I am engaged!!!! keep your calenders open for either the 1 week or 3rd week in June..I will post pictures and details tomorrow!

Happy Birthday to me!

2009-03-02T11:26:00.000-08:00

It's my birthday today! Yay!! I am legal now, It's a great feeling knowing I don't have to worry were I go if I'm of age or not. Thanks to my great mom for wanting more kids after 4. Love you!

Questions

2009-02-28T08:57:00.000-08:00

Who was the last person that threw you out of their life?

Man i dont remeber

Where did you go last night?
I went to work blah

If you had one wish?
That's tuff, that me and nathan could have our own house and we'd be financilly comfortable and to be ble to kids.

What's on your bedroom floor right now?
Cloths

What's currently bothering you?
Hoping we have enough money for rent and to get tags for the car

Do you regret something you did yesterday?
Nope it was a chill Day

How many windows are open on your computer?
youtube because i'm watching pocahontas and this one so 2

Are you a shy person?
Sometimes, if I dont know the person or if i'm uncomfortable around them.

Are you close with your siblings?
Heck ya! But Im not very close with my older brother right now which really sucks :(

How did you feel when you woke up today?
Pretty good actually a little stiff and freezing but good.

Do you miss anyone?
Yes.
I miss my sister and her kids ;(
I miss talking to a few good frinds of mine

Do you secretly like someone?
Oh you know it! LOL just my hubby

Are you scared of losing the person you like to someone else?
Of course it's always something your scared of but I know it wont happen.

What were you doing at 9:00 am today?
zZZZZZzzZZZZ Sleepin

Are you excited about anything?
Halloween and A book I just ordered :) and i think thats all

Something you do when you are mad or upset?
cry, yell, bottle it up

Are you ticklish?
Yes

Do you use an alarm clock?
only sometimes when i have to wake up for something, which is hardly ever
Do you trust anyone?
My husband

Who was the last person in your bedroom?
besides nathn and i which I dont think really counts so it was Lacey and Colton

Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now?
Haha yes Married

Are you talking to someone while doing this?
Myself lol

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
Ya i guess but I really dont care its your problem not mine

Do you tend to make things complicated?
I probably do sometimes but not knowingly

How do you feel right now?
Bored, Cold, Lazy

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
I sure did at 2:30 am I hugged my baby brothra and Lacey.
Then I kissed all over my hubby

Would you like to put last night on repeat, and live it forever?
it would depend on my mood but yes i would

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Lol nothing really

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Ya sometimes

Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
Yes. 4 altogether on my ears.
My nose
Got a tattoo on my lower stomach
Got a tattoo on my writst

Ever gone out with a wrestler?
Well in Elementry or jr. high i went out with Andy and after hight school he became a UFC fighter so does tht count.?

If you're sleeping and someone calls you what do you say?
Well when i'm sleeping i tend not to answer the phone
What did you eat last?
A yummy piece of cake tht I made

Have any memories that you'd like to forget?
Yes.

What's your pet doing right now?
Sleeping and staying out of the rain

Have you ever had a boy best friend?
Yes. Dalin Hooley in school and jeremy after shool...BUT my hubby is my best friend

Where was the last place you went besides your house?
Walmart

Who last drove you under the age of 21?
umm i have no frekin clue

How do you know the last person that commented you?
What? commented on me? i'm confussed.

Did your night suck last night?
Definatly did not suck

How many months until your birthday?
5 months I willbe 23

Describe your life for the past month in one word?
rollercoaster

Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart?
IT really depends i think

The person you have feelings for shows up at your house, what do you say?
I dont got feelings for nybody, unless its my ex bf who i still care bout i'd say hi wht you doin here?

Will you talk to the person you like tonight?
Of course

Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like?
Haha no way hosay

Do you believe exes can be friends?
Yes I believe they can. i'm still friends with a few of mine

How many kids do you want to have?
2 or 4

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
nope

What's the last non alcoholic beverage you had?
Apple juice

Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won't tell?
Yes.

How many letters are in your last name?
7

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
IF it's cheating no. but it depends on what it is though

Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?
my hubby

Your number one tells you they're pregnant, you say?
omg really thats awesome