Thursday, August 21, 2008

My Story ( there is drug content )

Well today I thought I would explain and just share some personal things about me. My whole life I’d had a hatred towards drugs I never liked them never had the desire to do them. My uncle died of a drug over dose so I guess that helped me not like drugs even more…In school you know I’d get asked if I want to go try some weed or whatever and I’m like no its cool I never felt pressured into it I didn’t feel less cool or like I need to say yes for them to like me I was always happy and not worried about saying no. So then at work I met my sweetie  He had like everything I wanted besides one thing he didn’t have his priesthood which I could deal with everybody messes up no big deal. Well Nathan got into the wrong crowed while we were dating well we still are dating and he started smoking weed and doing other drugs and at the time I really was head over heels for him and didn’t want to be like I’m breaking up I wanted to be with him and always had this feeling like he could change give him chance so the first few months he was doing pills and I wanted to see what was so good about it why does he do it so he gave me some pain pills cause I wanted to relate to him and know the feeling he goes through so I try it and it wasn’t bad I actually liked the feeling.. Well later down the road we have figured out that I have one of those addicting personalities. From then on I took pills with him every once in awhile I still wasn’t a big fan of the drug scene, I tried weed a few times just to see why he loved it so much and every time I hated it, the high was scary to me like I couldn’t control myself so I just went to bed every time. I was never snorting the pills because I didn’t want to cross that line, well I remember one day I’m like I’ll just try it I want to see why you do it and this was just a few months since we’ve been dating so he crushed up some pills and I remember being very nervous about it and after I did it I felt the high a lot stronger and quicker and then on I got addicted to pain pills and snorting them, like I said we found out I have a addicting personality I got addicted to snorting everything. For bout year I was doing some sort of pain pills everyday as much as I could, then my tolerance got higher and regular pain pills didn’t cut it anymore I needed something more strong. So my friend hooked me up with somebody who I could get Oxy Cotton from and I have no clue how I afforded it the small MG is $30-40 the high MG is like $ 60-70 EACH! All together I’d get like 5 a week and those pills I could not live with out they made me feel so good, Nathan didn’t like me on them cause they made me grouchy they made me tired and I couldn’t sleep so I was always irritated always getting mad at stupid things. About this time I was drifting from my family were a tight family and I was never home I didn’t go to anything I was always out trying to get more pills or staying away from home so I could use them. I did that trend for about 4-5 months every day I still can’t believe I afforded it! One day my friend got some Heroin known as Black for code, I was interested in just trying it and I remember that day like it was yesterday she told me if I let you try it you have to promise you wont get hooked on it I’m like I won’t whatever so I smoked some and wow I just loved it, it was similar to OC’s (Oxy Cotton) but just a little better and best of all it was Cheap! $10 for a balloon and a balloon if you weren’t a heavy user could last you a few days. I started using it all day everyday within a month or 2 I was doing like 4 balloons in 2 days maybe less my tolerance shot through the roof to get my tolerance you would have to be using for like a couple months I managed mine in 1 month maybe 2 I was doing that much. This time I was never home I was always going up to get more that’s all my life surrounded, Nathan had wanted me to stop said I was getting out of control with it but I’d still bring it back home. I was using after awhile to just feel normal to not feel sick or crappy to feel good and get through the day, I know that now cause looking back I don’t remember feeling the high that good anymore I was doing it to feel normal. I would use all day everyday for months and just a few hours with out it my legs would have sharp pains in them I felt antsy like I couldn’t sit still it was just terrible I couldn’t’ sleep at night I was up all night in pain uncomfortable. We tried to stop but the with drawls were just too much. We had been talking to my bishop trying to get help and figure out how we get off this stuff it was not possible the withdrawals are just miserable,one time my bishop had to take me to the ER cause I was hyperventalating and in so much pain . Finally one day after using for 7 months straight all day everyday literally my sister went through my phone and saw a message to my bishop and I mentioned heroin so she called my parents I was at my other sisters my parents came over they said something and right then I knew they knew I was crying cause I was scared but then I was happy cause I finally was getting the help I needed. Those next few days are a blur to me I remember going up to Salt lake to a hospital I was scared I didn’t know what they were going to do they were talking bout rehab and this outpatient thing and I decided not to do it cause I wanted to do it with Nathan I didn’t want to be in some strange place getting off this stuff. Before I went to my doctors or something I remember just tossing and turning in my bed it’d been a day since I used well that night my parents found out I just used my last bit that morning so I was needing more pretty soon and I stayed the night at my sisters and I was just crying and screaming and kicking my legs and shaking them to distract me from the pain and it was just terrible I feel bad my family had to see that but it was the only way I was in so much pain then I think the next night I was home and I was just hurting my legs had this sharp pain all down them and it was so bad I guessed I screamed really loud and I woke my brother up downstairs my mom couldn’t give me anything cause It’d interfere with the medicine I was going to be put on so we go to the doctors we got on Suboxine it’s a pill that blocks opiates and takes the with drawls away. I took 3 whole pills 3 times a day if I missed one time taking it I’d get really sick I’d get a migraine it was horrible. I got my car taken so that I didn’t go get black I changed my # I deleted all my dealers I had to give my mom all my pills I had. This stuff takes over you and your mind nothing matters but this drug, I never lied to Nathan and I started lying to him sneaking around his back to get more. I have been there for all of my sister’s babies and I was so involved in my drug that it didn’t matter that I missed my sisters baby and its sad cause it is her last one she’s going to have. I’ve seen so many things while using drugs I’ve seen really good people turn into bad lying shady people it’s so sad to watch. If I was using any longer I probably would have died of an overdose it was getting way out of hand and breaking me and Nathan apart. So I am glad to say I am only down to a quarter I get cravings but I am healthy doing great it’ll be a year in September. . Sorry this was so long but I thought I would share my story who knows it might help somebody. I know it might have been a little to much info but got to tell it like it is. I don't put any blame on Nathan for introducing it to me, It was 110% my decision. I love Nathan to death I'm so glad I never gave up on him I always knew he could change and quit.

Friday, August 15, 2008

USA Girls Gymnastics!

So I am so proud of Nastia Liukin & Shawn Johnson. They did such a great job last night for their finals. It was just an awesome experience to be apart of and to watch, I was so happy for them the deserved it. I've been such a ball baby the last week or so so I shed a few tears with Nastia, You could just tell she was so happy and proud of herself. I was definitely worried that we were not going to win the Gold. WE WON THE GOLD AND SILVER MEDAL!!!! Way to represent USA!








They are

really cute and

all, but they feel

like they don't fit correctly

I always have to adjust them

my eyelashes are to long so they

rub against the glass and make my eyelashes

spread apart so it looks like i have a

huge bald spot !!! But don't get me

wrong they are really cute and awesome

but my ears and face just

make it uncomfortable to wear.

So that is my

story about


Thursday, August 14, 2008

The best Family Ever!

My Family- So I thought I’d just write and talk about my family. I have an awesome Mother who is my Hero she is the strongest women I have ever met. She get’s trials thrown in her way all the time and I’ve never seen her once lose faith or ever give up. She is always giving and caring and is the most selfless person ever. I love her lots and am glad I have her as a role model. My dad is the biggest hillbilly, the thing’s he does just makes you laugh. He’s come a long way to get were he is today, he had a stroke a few months ago and it’s taken his dream job and his career and he has to re-learn to do something’s, the doctors said that his stroke was so bad that he should be in a wheel chair and his brain practically mush. We are so blessed that we have our dad and his stroke only limited him in a few things instead of everything. I love him lots. Well I have 3 older sister’s who are just completely freaking awesome they are each different in there own way and when we all get together its nothing but fun, yes we do fight like sisters do ha-ha I’ve even gotten in a physical hair pulling fight with one of them oh man that is funny thinking of it remember Mindy? So my oldest sister is Tashina she has 3 kids who are so cute, Tashina is the medical girl she has been to the doctors more then me she’s had lots of surgery’s and she doesn’t let it get to her. She has awesome husband who I have a special bond with he use to be my primary teacher. Tashina is the Molly Mormon of the sisters LOL and she gets crap from us kids for it she is the second mom, which isn’t a bad thing (sometimes J). Next is Katrina she is soo sweet and caring and is defiantly the peace maker of the bunch. She has such a sensitive heart she’s just so cute and na├»ve at some things lol which makes her all the better. She has 3 freakin cute kids ever! I am so glad to be a Aunt to all of my nieces and nephews they are just like my own kids (I might not be able to have kids knowing Nathan’s condition so I might have to adopt) so I am so grateful that my sister’s have great kids that I share a special bond with each. Katrina almost became a widower of 3 kids under the age of 5 right after Halloween, Jon (her husband) got in a really bad semi accident (not his fault!) and he shouldn’t be alive today, I guess he wasn’t suppose to leave (teary eyes sniff sniff) my sister and their great kids. Katrina was so strong and brave after she herd what happened she may be a softy but she can be tough too. I’m so glad she still has her husband who is such a funny joking guy. My last sister is Mindy, Mindy is the feisty one of the sisters LOL she can be a big brat when she want’s to but she is also very cool and lets you do whatever you want J She has had some trials in her life and she has became such strong person from them, her and her husband Seth along with their kids ( her ex let their 2 girls be sealed to Seth) all went through the temple this last year or last year it was such a great thing. If Mindy can make it to the temple then it just show’s that my brother and I can get there to. Mindy is such a strong person and is a great sister; she has 4 such cute sweet kids who are growing up so fast! I love all my sisters. Then I have 2 brothers, who are so different but alike. My only big brother is Lance, Lance has had some big trials in his life and he as done a big 180 of his life. He is a great big brother he likes to come across like a big bad person but he’s really a softy, just last September I didn’t know how much he actually cared and loved me until I got off of drugs we had a good special moment that It’ll never forget. He is very protective of his one and only babysister. He just got married and I am so happy for him. Last but not least is MY baby brother Colton. Colton is the most sweetest giving caring person ever, he is always willing to help you out or pay for things he is so not selfish for being his age. Me and Colton are the 2 babies in the family and we have a special bond he is also protective over me I call him little brother and he calls me little sister ha-ha he is so much taller then me! I actually look younger then him, Colton has a sweet softy heart who has an awesome personality!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Go! Sexy! Michael!



Alright- So I don’t like Pretzels never have, now its weird today Whitney brought a big bag of Chocolate covered Pretzels and I cannot stop eating them! This morning I told myself that I wasn’t going to snack on junk food all day that I will drink lots of water and have that make me feel full. FAILED!! My work is the worst place EVER to be on a diet there are temptations all over. I’ve never ate so badly in my life :(

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Pony tail!

Yay! I've been waiting and waiting for my hair to get just long enough to were i can put it up in a pony tail. I did master it but with a few short pieces falling out but I am so glad to be able to pull it back! (I used like 6 bobby pins lol) so here is the picture, its not the best cause it's after a long days work.

Fun Fun!

This is my new laptop that i got! I am so excited about. Love the background LOL. Also I had gotten some new nail polish and Nathan for some reason wanted to be the artist that he is paint my nails. So the good GF in me says okay babe make them look nice, I look and he's doing stripped. Gotta love him.

My Baby Brother

I had to take my baby brother and his dog Pearl to the vet, it was his and her very first time going to the vet..Now he knows what it's like to take your baby to the vet. she had burned off the pad on her foot from running on the street. It was really sad. This is also Colton's new ride. it's pretty nice, it'll look even nicer once he gets done fixing it up. I'm jealous. All the girls are gonna be wanting him! :)

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

51 Questions

If you opened this, FILL IT OUT! Learn 51 things about your
friends, and
let them learn 51 things about you! Send it back to the
person that sent it to you.

1. Do you like blue cheese? No

2. Your Favorite Shoes? My high heels!
3. Do you own a gun?
No way hosay!
4. Your favorite song?
OH man, all of Celine Dion SHE IS AMAZING!!
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
After so many I go to Once a month you’d think I wouldn’t but yes ;(
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Gross sick gross! But I love Corndogs
7. Favorite Christmas song?
Last Christman…But Celine Dion’s Christmas CD
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
9. Can you do push ups?
Heck ya!!

10. Are you afraid of flying? O my heck YES!! Biggest fear ever
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My promise Ring Nathan gave me J Ahhh

12. Favorite hobby? Running & Singing

13. Animals: love them or hate them? I ABSOLUTLY LOVE THEM!

14. Do you have ADD? Nope! Maybe a little
15. What do you hate about yourself?
Once I think of something I lost or need I have to do it right then!

16. What is your middle name? Irene…not my favorite
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
I am not liking my new landlords seeing if the laptop gets internet I wanna read Breaking Dawn

18. What's your favorite number? 21 I’m leagal!!!
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Water, Strawberry lemonade, Juice

20. Current worry right now? My landlords & Money

21. Current hate right now? Work & Landlords
22. Favorite place to be?
The beach

23. How did you bring in the New Year? At my sister Mindy’s house very fun J
24. where would you like to go? Disney Land and 7 Peaks

25. Name three people who will complete this? My sisters

26. Do you own slippers? Yes but my dog bless his heart likes to steal them off my feet…hahaha

27. What shirt are you wearing? A pretty white one
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Of Course

29. Can you whistle? Hahaha no way

30. Favorite color? Pink & Purple

31. Would you be a pirate? Of course I would!! Make me closer to my Captain Jack
32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Make up ones lol

33. Favorite girl's name? Alexis

34. Favorite boy's name? hmm………….Johnny Depp! Lol jk. I don’t know

35. What's in your pocket right now? Sadly nothing L

36. Last thing that made you laugh? My sweet sweet dog
37 . Best bed sheets as a child? My colorful flowers
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Does getting off drugs count??? If not then breaking my toe
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3 but soon to be 4

41. Who is your loudest friend? Easy Me!!

42. How many dogs do you have? 1 and he is the cutest sweetest thing in the whole world!!!!
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Are you kidding of course someone does…hehe Just kidding.
44. Favorite Book? Harry Potter & Twilight series.
45. Partying hard or Laying low?
In between, probably laying low I’m not social anymore
46. What is your favorite candy?
Twix & peanut butter MM’s

47. Favorite Sports Team? NONE!

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping!

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Gotta read!! Probably I wanna sleep still and cuddle!
51. If you are married, where did you meet your WIFE/HUSBAND? Does almost engaged count?? I met him at our job at

Now if you read this you have to fill it out! Have fun :)

Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Police Concert

I had gotten some free tickets to see The Police I knew Nathan really liked Sting and I knew he would love going. It was a really good concert lots of people there.

Cooking mmm Yummy

I would just like to say how proud of myself I am for starting to cook. For those of you who don't know I am not a cooker, I don't really like to cook it's just something doesn't interest me. With that there is a problem, Nathan wants his wife to cook and make him dinner and etc. so I thought I'd be a good g/f and start small and cook little things for him. so last week I made some great yummy pasta with garlic bread, then just yesterday I made some delicious blueberry pancakes to my surprise Nathan loved them. Today I was going through our freezer I had a sweet tooth and right there was cookie dough! So I baked them and they were so good it hit the spot. Now I just gotta think of something simple and easy that I can cook next time. :)

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Today so far...

I just got back from going tubing down the Provo river, IT WAS A BLAST!!! If anybody hasn't done it they have to. It was so much the water is cold but you get use to it and the hot sun makes it all better. It's just awesome. Then I went to my mom's house to pick up the last book of Twlight I will be reading it all night!

Gettin Tan in the sun

I am so excited today is gonna be a great day! First Nathan his best friend Dane and his wife Rachelee and me are going to go down the Provo River, I am so excited i've never been its gonna be great. Second I am getting a laptop!!!! I've always wanted one eeww gross baby spider crawling on the screen ew ew!! Okay I killed it. So Traci a girl I work with at work is selling her laptop and I'm getting it today! I can't wait. Third my sister got me the last book/series of Twilight. I cannot wait to read it!