Monday, June 25, 2012

wow i am just horrible at this..life is good im working at a place i really enjoy ive met an awesome friend that we just clicked. shes also known as my bussom buddy according to nathan lol. im gettin a new puppy and its bitter sweet for me. i tll be my first pet since jack died and i dnt wanna replace him, but i know its okay to have another doggy. but im so excited for azkaban i miss havin that unconditional love from this furry lil guy who wont let me down. i cant wait..

Saturday, January 28, 2012

new job

so its no surprise that i hated my job. there was days i wanted to cry cause i had to go in. i called it "hell" everytime i went in. i cannot beleive i lasted almost e yearsaa but i did for my family. i knew with out a doubt that walmart caused my migrianes, before i had to go in id get a bad head ache once i knew i wasnt going in itd get better a lil bit after, my days off i didnt get a migriane. before i worked at walmart i had a mon to fri job i 8 to 5 and i would only get a migriane maybe once a month. so i think its safe to say walmart was making me sick. how freakin sad and horrible is that!!!! so after new years i got sick and missed a week and then got really sick and missed a few more days, then i just wasnt feelin it i was over my breaking point mentally and emotionaly and physically. so i just stopped going, not very smart we really needed my checks cuz they cover food and bills. so ive never had such a hard time getting job interviews my gosh, finally i went to one today and i start monday. im lookin forward to being a regular 8 to 4 mon to fri and spending the nights with nathan and the weekends . nathan hated me workin nights cuz i only saw him during his lunch. im hopeful this new job will give me less migrianes and i can finally be a regular person.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

we did it! we had a good family get together without anydrama lol. this was the first time that my dads side of the family got together in like i wanna say a few decades, alot of people showed up, and my big brother lance and his family showed up and i havent seen or talked to him in almost a year, so it was nice surprise. no fights!we had it at katrinas house and it was filled! its definatly the side were i get my big nose and loud mouth from. i definatley was missing my germany family it wasnt the same without them. ill do pictures later im doing this from my phone lol.also everybody loved my pumpkin pie i made five pies and only one and a half was left it was a hit!yup i made good pie i was worried cuz i was makin some with a migriane and the tops got a little to brown so they looked burnt lol oh well....happy turkey day! i am thankful for my husband he is the love of my life and takes amazing care of me. i am thankful for everysingle member of my family (soon tobecome a part of my new tattoo)

Sunday, October 30, 2011

October 30,2010




Hi my sweet baby boy. It's been a year since I've last touch you or kissed your sweet fuzzy cheeks. Sometimes it doesnt even seem likes its been that long others it seems like years. I miss you Jack, I think about you everyday and everynight before I fall asleep, I pray to you can you hear me? I bet your having so much fun just running and running as far as you can go and as fast as you can, are you passing out in the shade on your side with your legs sticking out? Are you nipping at horses feet and chasing them? Is there a couch and a window for you to sit on and look out of? I bet your staying far away from the rainstorms. Out of habbit do you still shake your head even though your ears dont hurt no more? I cant wait to see you again. Its lonely when i'm home by myself, I miss your eyes Jack and your cute soft fuzzy nose I loved to kiss everyday. I miss tripping over you even though it got annoying at times. I miss you keeping my feet warm at night. I found all of your halloween costumes, you were so cute when youlet me dress you up even though you really didnt like it lol. Are the angels holding you and giving you lots of love for me? How are ceders puppies? Are they buggin you crazy like when Pearl was a puppy? Watch over them for Trina. Are you still smelling and marking every single bush or tree you come by? I can smell you sometimes, I know youve come to see me but I'd like it if you stayed a lil longer. I'm sorry I wasnt there for you Jack, I wish you had a familier face with you but lest you werent alone. I know your not hurting no more and is having so much fun. I see that kids come by your graveside I hope your haunting them and having fun LOL. I love you so much!!! Heres 2 poems I thought was perfect for us.


The Legend of Rainbow Bridge- William N. Britton

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When a pet dies who has been especially close to a person here on earth, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge.

There are beautiful meadows and grassy hills there for all our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is always plenty of their favorite food to eat, plenty of fresh spring water for them to drink, and every day is filled with sunshine so our little friends are warm and comfortable.
All the pets that had been ill or old are now restored to health and youth.

Those that had been hurt or maimed are now whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams and days gone by.
The pets we loved are happy and content except for one small thing.

Each one misses someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one of them suddenly stops and looks off into the distant hills.

It is as if they heard a whistle or were given a signal of some kind.

Their eyes are bright and intent.

Their body begins to quiver.

All at once they break away from the group, flying like a deer over the grass, their little legs carrying them faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you hug and cling to them in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

Happy kisses rain upon your face.

Your hands once again caress the beloved head.

You look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet so long gone from your life, but never gone from your heart.
Then with your beloved pet by your side, you will cross

The Rainbow Bridge together.

Your Sacred Circle is now complete again.


I'm Still Here


Your heart has been heavy since that day-

The day you thought I went away.

I havent left you I never would-

You just cant see me, though I wish that you could.

It might ease the pain that you feel in your heart-

The pain that you've felt since youve believed us to part.

Try and think of it this way, it might help you see-

That I am right here with yo and always will be.


Remeber the times we were out in the yard,

You could not always see me yet I hadnt gone far.


That's how it is now when you look for my face-

I'm still right beside you still filing my place.


I find it to be so very sad,

That seeing and believing seem to go hand in hand,

The love and the loyalty the warmth that I gave,

You felt them, did not see them, but you believed just the same.


I walk with you now like I walked with you then-

My pain is now gone and I lead once again.


My eyes always following you wherever you roam-

Making sure youre okay and youre never alone.

Our time was too short yet for me it goes on-

I wont ever leave you, I'll never be gone.

I live in your heart as you live in mine-

An enduring love that continues to shine.


The day will come and together we'll be,

And you'll say take me home boy, and once again I will lead.


Until that day comes dont think that I've gone-

I'm here right beside you, and my love it lives on.


Be a good boy Jack. Love Mommy




Friday, September 16, 2011

Chronic Pain

No surprise here I get migrianes like almost everyday, if its not everyday its a few times a week, and if its not a migraine its a head ache. So I go to a doctor once a month for my Suboxone and I tell her everytime about my migraines and she just says just try doing this and that blah blah obviously its not working!!!! And it is not to the point were I have missed alot of work and even though I have an Intermitten LOA it can only get me so far plus I have noticed when ever I call out my head tends to feel better lol how sad is that! anyways I am fed up! I live in fear of my head aches I plan around my head aches "Oh let me see if I wake up with a head ache that day" who does that?!! Seriously!!! I had less migraines when I was using what the freakin heck! So Nathan as been gettin after me saying I need to force my doctor to do something because this isnt normal and i've herd people with migraines sometimes it ends up being a brain tumor or something in that area. So yesterday I went to the family doctor with my mom, my main reason is to get my head checked! I tell him the deal that I freaking sleep my life away I'm in fear constantly of gettin migraines and why the heck am i getting them and when I don't have them why am i always having head aches! He says its my age group in females and like 30 and over tend to get less of them . That frustrated me cause I've been getting them sense Jr high so how can it be my age group when I've been getting them before? So basically I have to waist my 20's because its the age group and then I can start living once I'm in my 30's??? I'm just frustrated. So he put me on a pill that is a migraine preventative that he's had alot of success with and I am scheduled today for an MRI. FINALLY!!! Sometimes I kinda hope there is something wrong just so I get answers, its so frustrating. So today we will finally see if my brain is sick lol.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

LIGHTS - Face Up (Lyrics)

I LOVE LOVE music, I've always loved it. My dream when I was little was to be a singer and thats all I did. I would still love to be one and by all the nail polish in the world (that was part of the reason I wanted to be a singer as a child). But I know It wont happen lol I can dream though. So I totaly believe music is a therapy it can make you feel sad happy mellow calm its a amazing what music is and what it can do. This song is probably my theme life song, I have trials in my life that some might not imagine and this song totally says it all. So Face Up and try your best to get through it.




Friday, September 9, 2011

VIDEO: 9/11 Tribute Song | Web Videos - 97.1 ZHT

This is a new updated version for the 10 yr annivsury of 9/11 and it just makes me bawl!!!


VIDEO: 9/11 Tribute Song Web Videos - 97.1 ZHT: A tribute for 9/11. DJ Sammy - 'Heaven' 9/11 Remix 2011 Version of (I Miss You Daddy).